Happy Thirteen Weeks!

Well, here we are at thirteen weeks!

DH and I will be going for our nuchal translucency scan tomorrow afternoon and I am very nervous about it. In addition to not knowing what to expect, I have been haunted by stories of "missed miscarriages" - women who have miscarried, but due to a complete lack of any symptoms (and as a matter of fact, they go through the opposite, where they continue to experience pregnancy symptoms!) they are not aware that their fetuses are no longer viable. I just hope and pray that we get good news tomorrow...to start off with, I just want to know that our little Dim Sum is still growing, with a strong, healthy heartbeat. As well, we will be getting bloodwork done and an ultrasound to determine what the likelihood is that this child has Down's Syndrome or chromosomal abnormalities. I have been praying every night that God is keeping this child safe and healthy.

I finally made the announcement last week that I am expecting - and I was really, really quite pleased with the response. I told my teachers at our weekly faculty meeting, to which there was immediate applause and cheers - and then a line up at the end of the meeting to give me hugs. I also let the cat out of the bag with some of our parent population, and they have been very kind as well. For those who know me well, they will know that I am not a fan of being in any kind of spotlight, and as a matter of fact get a little uncomfortable with how to respond in those situations. So this will take some getting used to. But I am happy that so many people are happy for us - it would appear that our struggle to conceive hasn't been the big secret that I thought it was! A few people commented that they were thrilled for me because they know how much I wanted it and how long it took. Infertility isn't as silent as we think, I guess.

Now, for the more unpleasant comments that I have already heard...and you knew there would be some!

One mother commented (after looking at my tummy), "Are you sure you're not having twins?" (Nice.)

Another said, "Well, it's not like you could hide it anymore!" (Really? I tried so hard!!!)

And finally, a comment from one of my teachers - "We all KNEW you were pregnant, you know. We were just waiting for you to say something!!!" (Wow, talk about taking the wind out of my sails!)

I will post an update from our nuchal after tomorrow's appointment - please say a prayer for us!

Eleven Weeks Today!

I was undecided as to whether or not I should continue this blog, since its main focus was on our struggle with infertility. Speaking from personal experience, I know that it really helped to read the IF blogs of other women and know that I wasn't alone. I learned so much, shed so many tears, and smiled so many times just reading about what these brave women had gone through. I can only hope that my blog has touched others who are struggling as much. But would it be insensitive to now carry on, blogging about my pregnancy? I'm torn - the jury's out on that one. All I know is that without this blog as a medium for all of my thoughts, and without the support of the people who have read it, the battle would have been much, much more difficult.

I can't believe that I am only a week away from being done with the first trimester of pregnancy! It has been such an amazing time so far - but only because I have been blessed not to have any morning sickness at all. I almost feel guilty saying that out loud. At first, I was desperate to have it - in my heart, I thought that that was the only way I could know for sure that this pregnancy was going to be a healthy one. But as time passed, I got used to not feeling sick - and instead, took it as a sign that my energies were better spent enjoying the pregnancy everyday, not worrying about my lack of symptoms.

It was my intention, earlier on, to write about what I feel made the difference this past cycle...what was it that got us to this place? So many things played a positive factor - and I wanted to share some of them in hopes that it may help others. So...here it goes...apologies in advance for the long post...

The Fertility Clinic - DH and I had the good fortune of working with one of the top fertility clinics in the country. According to the 2007 Canadian ART registry, Regional Fertility Program in Calgary boasted a 51% success rate, as compared to an average of 35% success rate from all other Canadian IVF centres. The best part of it was that we got to work with Foothills by default - they are the only clinic in Calgary, and as such the first clinic that we got referred to by my family physician. Call it geographical luck.
Now, don't get me wrong - this clinic wasn't perfect and we definitely had our trials and tribulations with them. From unanswered telephones to rude nurses to missed ovulations to missing files to a skeptical RE, the clinic tested our patience many, many times. But at the end of the day - they got us pregnant. And for that, we shall be forever grateful.

Modern Medical Advances - the process of IVF aside (which, as far as I am concerned, is one of the most important, incredible medical advances of the 20th century), we also benefitted from ICSI and assisted hatching. With DH's inconsistent morphology and my age and egg quality working against us, we had the opportunity to increase our chances through the use of these two techniques. Though each came with their risks, at least we were able to do them! I truly think that I may not have gotten pregnant without them.

The Protocol - part of this is tied into our Clinic and our RE. We are so grateful that they were willing to try a completely "unconventional" (word used by our RE), relatively new, off-the-beaten-path protocol with me. The Agonist/Antagonist Conversion Protocol with Estrogen Priming, created by Dr. Geoffrey Sher, was a Godsend for us. It allowed us to have 5 perfectly healthy eggs to fertilize, and even though not all of them fertilized successfully, to a woman who was told that her eggs were crap, that number was music to the ears. It was an intense protocol, with an insanely high amount of drugs, but in the end it did the trick. I am so glad that my RE looked into this protocol at my urging, and I hope that my success buoys the clinic to try it with others.

My Insatiable Need to Research - okay, this one seems a little silly to mention. But seriously, I really do think that my thirst for knowledge in my own situation helped out tremendously. It was exhausting, disheartening, frustrating, and encouraging to read all of the research papers, case studies, forum posts and websites that contained information on poor egg quality. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is for any woman going through infertility to research, research, research. Knowledge is Power.

Alternative Treatments - We spent over a thousand dollars on traditional Chinese medicinal treatments, as well as acupuncture. But DH and I figured - heck, we had already spent over $15,000.00 on our IUIs and IVF cycles, what was another grand? And even though DH was skeptical, I always believed that they would be of help, and now DH is a believer, too. I worked with a very good acupuncturist and Doctor of Chinese Medicine in the months leading up to my cycle, but then decided to switch to another professional whose specialty was in treating infertility and who was reknowned for her work here in Calgary. She was amazing. Gentle, supportive and encouraging. She came to the clinic on transfer day to give me treatments pre- and post-transfer. Her positive energy was infectious. Her skill and knowledge were beyond compare. I really, really do feel that acupuncture as an adjunct to IVF is something that all women struggling with IVF should consider.
For what it's worth, I should also mention that I believe taking Royal Jelly supplements and Coenzyme Q10 helped. For those who have followed my blog, they will know I took both to improve my egg quality. I had DH taking CoEQ10 as well, to improve his sperm motility - resulting in a gigantic improvement in his sperm morphology, according to the lab results of his last sperm analysis prior to our last cycle!! He was pleased as punch!!

Hope and a Positive Attitude - where would we be without them? Even at the darkest times, I don't think that I ever lost hope that one day, this would work out for us. I prayed every night that God would allow me to be a mother - and even though I didn't know exactly what form that would take, I never lost hope that He would answer my prayers.
And speaking of prayers...

Belief in God and the Power of Prayer - our little Dim Sum is proof that God listens and God loves. I was fortunate enough to have an incredibly strong prayer network going for us - from one of the nurses at the Clinic to our parents, to our friends. Even one of the moms at school, who is struggling with a health concern of her own right now, told me last week that she was praying for me all summer! We are lucky to have so many people love us - and to have God's love with us every day.

Luck - okay, I was saying to DH the other day that when it comes down to it, luck played a huge role in our pregnancy. Sometimes, people can do the very best that they can and have the very best of intentions, and yet things don't work out for them. DH and I know how lucky we are - and we aren't taking a single moment for granted.

Phew. I think that's it. Time to step off the soapbox. But I do hope that it helps someone who may stumble upon my humble little blog, seeking answers. Know that I wish every woman out there, struggling the way that I did, the very, very best.

XO,
Springroll

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

Sigh.

I was saddened this morning to hear the news of Mollygirl, a special lady who discovered at her 13 week ultrasound that her baby had stopped developing shortly after her 8 week ultrasound. She has suffered what is called a "missed miscarriage" and now must head to the Early Loss clinic to have a D&C.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I can't imagine what she is going through right now. She and her husband had been trying to conceive for two years, and this baby was conceived through her second IVF. How does one go from floating on cloud nine to crashing down to earth? How does one handle the dashing of all her hopes and dreams in an instant? It just doesn't seem fair.

Reading about situations like this, of course, puts a chill through my system and reminds me just how unpredictable things can be in this world of infertility. It reminds me that I can't take one minute for granted...and that is why I continue to be so thankful to God for each and every day that we have with our little Dim Sum. I just hope that he/she is growing safe and healthy inside of me...and that my dreams won't be shattered, too.

Back to School!

Well, it was the first day of school today. So much whining, grumbling and crying - and that was from me!! All kidding aside, I do love the first day! All of the kids are excited to see their friends and meet their new teachers. There are new books to read and fresh crayons to colour with. Such a great time.

I have been literally run off my feet in this last week trying to prepare for the first day. My staff was in on Tuesday, and it seems I have been in meeting after meeting after meeting. But when the dust settled, and the dismissal bell had rung, it turned out to be a fantastic day! (Let's hope it turns out to be a great year!)

Unfortunately, despite my very best efforts to wear loose tops to disguise my burgeoning belly, I had more than one nosy parent and just a couple of nosy teachers asking me if I was hiding a bump. Quite frankly, I find this question unbelievably rude. Although I know that it is well-intentioned, the "asker" has absolutely no idea what is happening in the life of the "askee". What if the "askee" had been suffering through years of infertility (as in my situation) and they had just simply gained weight? What then? How would they feel if, in their quest for a juicy tidbit to gossip about, they caused great pain to someone else? The ease with which some people don't think twice about asking intrusive questions really makes me shake my head.

In any case - an update on my little "bump"...

We have nicknamed our baby Dim Sum. We went for an 8 week ultrasound yesterday, and there our little one was, tiny heart beating away at 168 bpm. We are so in love.

The Most Beautiful Picture in the World...

Boy, were we excited yesterday!

DH and I got up and got ourselves ready quickly for our 9:30 a.m. ultrasound. We arrived at EFW Radiology at about 9:20 or so, and spent some time waiting (rather impatiently) before we were called in. I wasn't certain whether the first ultrasound was trans-vaginal or abdominal, so I had gone with a full bladder, which made the wait slightly more torturous. But when we got called in, I got myself changed quickly into the paper gown (stunning and stylish, those things...) and settled onto the table while the ultrasound tech went to fetch my husband.

My darling husband entered the room, the tech explained the procedures, and the screen got turned on.

Then - we saw the most beautiful picture in the world....

One gestational sac, with a little fetus inside, and a tiny flashing light which we learned was the heart beating. We have one little baby growing in my tummy, measuring exactly on schedule, with a heartbeat of 113 bpm. The tech said that anything above 100 was good, so we were happy. She took different measurements, checked my ovaries and fallopian tubes to ensure that none of the other embryos had accidentally implanted there, and then told us that everything looked great. We let out a sigh of relief and then left.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little sad that the other two musketeers hadn't made it...although we certainly didn't expect to be carrying triplets, it would have been great to see one of the other embies surviving the transfer too. But this certainly does not mean that we aren't thrilled with our little egg roll, and that we aren't grateful that we have been blessed like this.

Each morning that I wake up, I thank God for another day with our baby. I will continue to hope and pray that this little one hangs in there...and that we get to see him/her grow and develop as these next nine months pass.

The Worrying Doesn't End...

I've always known that the worrying wouldn't end.

We have spent almost three years worrying about the fact that we couldn't get pregnant. And now that we are, I spend countless hours worrying that the pregnancy isn't a strong one. In fact, since our first home pregnancy test and beta, I have taken 5 more home pregnancy tests just so that I can see that strong "+" sign. Sigh. Could I possibly be anymore neurotic?!

As my fertility clinic only does one beta test (which strikes me as odd, considering pregnancies resulting from IVFs really should be monitored more closely at the onset...), I was going crazy trying to figure out whether or not my hcg was doubling (not knowing this was adding to my worries exponentially!!) So on Friday, I rang up my family physician's office and the nurse very kindly faxed a beta recquisition over to the local lab. I managed to see the doctor this morning - and was told that my beta was at 3992 (taken 21dp3dt). Phew. That definitely made me feel a lot better!

As for symptoms - thankfully, I've not experienced much nausea yet. I have definitely had moments when strong odours make me whoozy, and there have been times when the thought of certain foods turns me off, but I have been just fine for the most part (knock on wood!) The bloating is still there, as are the sore boobies. I'll take it all if it means that my little Musketeers are growing healthy and strong inside me!

Next on the agenda is our first ultrasound - scheduled for the day after tomorrow. DH and I can't wait to find out how many Musketeers are snuggling in there!! Whatever the number - the most important thing will be to actually see a sac, with a tiny fetus inside. And if we're lucky - maybe we'll see the flutter of a heartbeat!!!

We can't wait...

463

What a beautiful number.

This is what my beta levels were at when I went for the official test yesterday (15dp3dt). I worried much of the night that I would get a low beta result...which in my mind could reflect a weak pregnancy. But nope - my beta was 463, and the nurse said that it was a good, strong number.

How many times could I possibly express my gratitude - to God, to my family, and to all of my cyberfriends? This has been such a long ride, and now I am finally beginning to feel as though I get to be happy!

Our first ultrasound is booked for August 12, 2009 - that's when we'll find out how many babies there are in there! Right now, I'm just grateful to be pregnant - one, two or three is irrelevant to me.

XOXO