I'm Going Crazy...

Okay, this is going to be a stupid blog entry....so to my IF friends who faithfully read my updates, I apologize in advance. To those newcomers who have stumbled upon my humble little blog, I don't blame you if you never want to read my blog again. But I am going crazy!

I can't decide what to do with the nursery. Quite simply put, I am overwhelmed. First of all, DH and I disagree a bit on what we would like to see - I would like something soft, understated, and "elegant" looking (for lack of a better word..) Here are just a few examples of what I love:



I really look the love of a handsewn quilt, and the above sets have them! The first set is called "My First ABC", from Kidsline, and the other two sets are from Pottery Barn Kids ("Cottontail Friends" and "Jungle Friends".

DH, on the other hand, would like to see as much colour as possible. Bright reds, blues, and greens. His favourite set is this one:

It's called "T is for Tiger". I don't mind it, but I don't love it - and shouldn't I love the room that we put little Dim Sum into? I have spent literally hours upon hours combing the internet looking for crib bedding that will appeal to me and appease my husband. And so far, we can't seem to agree on anything.

Told you this was a lame entry.

P.S. For those wanting a good deal, check out Baby Supermall. Their prices are amazing! For example, the T is for Tiger set is being retailed at our local children's store, E-Children, for $270.00, while the fine folks at Baby Supermall have it on for $138.00. You can't beat a $140.00 savings!!

P.S.S. 28 weeks and counting!

Happy New Year!

Is it me, or is time just zooming by? The winter holidays were wonderful, and I dare say this was the best Christmas I have ever had (...soon to be replaced by next Christmas, when our little Dim Sum waits for Santa for the first time...) Despite everyone's request that I pass along a Christmas wish list to make shopping easier, there honestly was not one thing that I wanted. I have everything that I could have every wished and prayed for - a loving husband, an inviting home, and a baby growing inside my tummy. Life is good.

DH and I went with friends out to Panorama Ski Resort for New Year's weekend, and it was simply spectacular! While the others went swooshing down the slopes, I had the chance to sit in our cozy condo (by the fireplace), and just look out at the gently falling snow. I got to visit the resort spa for a (much-needed) massage, and get caught up in my pregnancy journal. And I got to eat! I went for walks and watched young families tobogganing down snowy slopes, and I even rode the resort gondola down to the "lower village" to shop at the General Store. Dim Sum and I had a great time!

But of course, it's back to reality for us now, with work and other real-life inconveniences!

Dim Sum is an incredibly active little boy, and the constant kicks are reassuring. I am finding it increasingly difficult to stay asleep at night; no sleep position is really that comfortable, I find I am waking up in the middle of the night to pee, and Dim Sum enjoys thumping away at me if I am sleeping in a position that he doesn't care for. But know what? I worked damn hard to feel this way, so I wouldn't trade it for the world!! :)

DH and I talked the other day about what our plans would be for a second child after Dim Sum arrives...hard to imagine that we are already discussing it, given our struggles just getting to where we're at. But we're nothing if not realistic - even though we are pregnant, we still consider ourselves to be infertile. And because of this fact, our eyes are wide open to the need for planning. We have decided that our plan of action will be to try for a natural conception soon after Dim Sum's birth (but within a reasonable timeframe for healing! Ouch!), and if nothing happens in a year, we will go back to the Clinic. But in our hearts, both of us know how lucky we are to even have Dim Sum, so if Dim Sum is all that God blesses us with, we are thrilled.

Life really is good.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Boy...I have been missing in action, haven't I? Terrible. December has been the most hectic month ever, with various winter concerts at school, Christmas functions to attend, and Christmas shopping to pack in. Add to that the fact that we are hosting Christmas dinner for thirteen people, and that my in-laws are in town and staying with us for ten days...and I am bushed!! I feel as though I haven't had a minute to myself...but I do have some respite this morning, as my in-laws have gone shopping. So here I am.

It's hard to believe that a year ago this week we were praying for our little Nemo. We were so devastated on Boxing Day...I remember it like it was yesterday. But here we are, a year later, with our little Dim Sum kicking up a storm inside of me. Sometimes it takes patience, but we know that God answers prayers.

I was chatting with a mother of one of our students at school last week, and she gave me the sweetest suggestion, ever - she told me that when she was pregnant with her first child, she spent Christmas Eve reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to her unborn child. She said to me, "Next year, when the baby's here, he'll belong to everybody. But this Christmas, that baby is only yours. This is your special time with him - it'll just be the two of you, so enjoy it." This made me cry. I never thought of it that way. But she is so right. This little lovebug, snuggling inside of me- rolling, kicking, turning - it's our special time together. We are in our own little world right now, and I should cherish every minute of it. Because all too soon, it'll be over.

Sigh. What could I possibly ask for this Christmas that I don't already have? My every wish has come true. There is not one thing that I wanted more than the chance to be a mother - and here I am. In all of the Christmases that I have had, I cannot recall one more special than this one.

Merry Christmas to all of my wonderful IF friends. For those of you that have won the IF fight - I hope that enjoy every second of this special Christmas, as I will. For those of you that continue the battle - my Christmas wish for you is that you never give up hope; I know that one day, in some form, you will become the loving mothers that you were born to be.

May your holidays be filled with joy, laughter, and love.

XO,
Springroll

Running the Half Marathon...

My sister ran a half-marathon today. While that may sound like an amazing feat to you or me, for her, it's par for course. She's a runner. She's run 10Ks, half-marathons and full marathons. She's participated in triathlons and run marathons in both Canadian and American cities. Her ultimate goal is to run a qualifying time for the Boston Marathon. I have always admired her focus and dedication - even when her body feels beat up and bruised. She has been my hero.

Today, I feel as though I have run my own half-marathon. You see, we are at 20 weeks today. Half-way there. And I guess you could say that I have shown the same sense of dedication and fortitude that my sister has - because I have also stayed the course. Ten years ago, I would never have thought that I would have it in me. Turns out I was wrong.

Our little baby boy is now very active - I feel him moving around in there everyday (is it a sign? He's going to be a little monkey, isn't he?) I am incredibly eager for my husband to feel him, too. It's such an amazing sensation and I am comforted by the tiny ripples that I feel inside my abdomen each day. I'm trying to learn what things will get him going - so far, sugar seems to be a big hit. I have my first appointment on Tuesday with my obstretician - the same lady who removed my polyp a year and a half ago. Great gal. Looking forward to getting some specs on how things are going with me - although my family physician is a great lady, she hasn't really done much these past two months other than weigh me, check my urine, and check my blood pressure. I am hoping that the OB will measure my tummy, check my cervix and do all of the other things that I deem to be "reassuring". I'm looking forward to the visit.

In other news, DH managed to snap up a diaper bag that I have coveted for quite some time - what a sweetie. Funny how the dumb little things can make a difference! I had purchased another one in Vegas on the weekend, but quite frankly it was a "settle purchase" and my husband knew that it was (I couldn't find the one that I really wanted to save my life!) So the other evening, he located and purchased the one that I wanted off of good old Ebay. What a guy!! Think I'll keep him.

I want to say hi to all of my cyber-friends that have hung in there with me and continue to read...know that I think about you all and thank God that you have been there to support me.

XOXO,
SR

Boy, oh Boy!

It has been so long since I have posted, and I feel terrible for that. Some women are so good about posting their progress on a daily basis - but right now, I seem to be much more interested in reading other blogs and about others' experiences! I just can't be bothered to think about my own. However, I have decided to write more regularly, because I just know that one day I will look back on this time in my life and regret that I didn't record all of the little things that have made this pregnancy so special...

For starters, we didn't end up going to see a genetic counsellor and DH and I opted out of doing an amnio. With the result from our NT scan so positive, we just felt that we were comfortable enough. We know what the risks associated with IVF and ICSI are, as well as the risks associated with our ages at conception. With this knowledge, and with the testing results that we already had, we felt fine not tempting fate by going through with the amnio. I spoke on the telephone with one of the genetic counsellors (whose job it was to run through everything with me), thanked her for the information, and then hung up. Easy as that.

I did have a diabetes scare a few weeks back - a result of excess glucose found in my urine during the old routine dipstick tests. So my doctor sent me early for the gestational diabetes test - and let me tell you, it was the most boring 1.5 hours I have spent in my life. First of all, I had to drink that horrible orange fizzy stuff - then sit and wait and wait and wait. Keeping in mind that the day I was at the lab it seemed like everyone and their dog had the flu, and you can imagine how pleasant it was for me to be sitting in that waiting room for an hour! Everywhere I turned, people were hacking and sneezing and blowing. Ugh. Thankfully, it was all worth it as they discovered that I do not have gestational diabetes, and that the glucose spillover was nothing to be concerned about. Phew.

We had our 18 week anatomy scan today - and it was so amazing to see our little Dim Sum again. The baby was less active than the last scan, but it was wonderful to see the tiny heart beating away. There was still some wiggling around, but no fancy acrobatics as in the last appointment. The radiologist on duty said that we have a very "pretty baby" - everything was just fine and dandy. Measuring right on time, with all organs and body parts. What a blessing. And the best part?

We are elated - of course, we would have been thrilled if it turned out to be a little girl, but I really, really wanted a boy for my husband. We're not sure if this is going to be our only child, given our tremendous difficulties in conceiving. So I'm very happy that my husband will have a son to play with and teach and coach and love - and to carry on the family name.

I'm headed off to Vegas tonight with my Mum and Dad - a quick getaway to go shopping for the baby. I am so excited, because now the planning can begin in earnest. It'll be so much fun to shop for our son.

Wow. Our son. Two small but amazing little words.

I Still Believe...

It's been a wonderfully uneventful couple of weeks, but sadly, this causes me to have nothing to blog about. Today, I am 15 weeks, 2 days pregnant and I am just beginning to feel our little Dim Sum's kicks in my belly....like the fluttering of butterfly wings, they come every so often to remind me of how blessed I am. This past weekend, we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family at my sister's house, and as my brother-in-law said grace, my eyes teared up as I thanked God (again) for this amazing gift that He has given us. I still - and always will - believe in miracles.

My new online obsession (now that I am no longer perseverating over infertility) has become stroller and car seat safety. Which model? What is safest? Which is lightest? Which one has the bells and whistles? Travel system or not? Where do I find the best deal? It's all incredibly overwhelming. Thankfully, I have a great deal of baby items from my sister, so I don't have to go through this with each item that we need (I think I'd go crazy if I did!) I think that I have narrowed it down to the Chicco Cortina Travel System -



Apparently, Consumer Reports ranked the car seat #1 for safety in 2008, and the stroller itself is a touch more lightweight than its competitors (an important point, since I am small and unbelievably wimpy). The seat back lowers all the way down to sleep position on this little number, and has a "memory" capability so that it can recall the last position you set the seat at. The car seat comes with a cushy head-support for newborns, and the base is supposed to be very easy to install. There are cup holders for both child and parent, and even a snack tray for the baby that is removable and dishwasher safe!! Man - it seems like the caddy of travel systems! I am pretty excited about it.

My sister tells me to avoid travel systems at all costs and to invest in a separate car seat and car seat frame, but I'm not too impressed with how low the car seat sits in a frame, and besides - I'd have to have a stroller eventually anyway! My husband laughs at this latest obsession. This past weekend, I was in a frenzy about the stroller, as it was on sale at Sears ("Baby Days") and when I called around, I discovered that most stores in our city had run out of stock. This drove me crazy, and when DH came home from the gym, I told him that he had to get showered right away because we had to go to Sears because we had to get the stroller before they ran out!! He shook his head and chuckled, "We have 5 more months! You don't think they'll get more stock in 5 months?!? You don't think they'll be another sale in the next 5 months?! Baby - you need to relax!!" Um...okay. Point taken.

If any of my cyber-friends can give me advice on strollers, I'd love to hear from ya! What worked for you? What didn't? If you had to buy a new one today, what would be different? Stroller-obsessed mommy-to-be would love to know!!

XOXO,
SR

Scan-tastic!

When Monday afternoon finally rolled around, I was so nervous I thought I would burst. Half a litre of water in my system? Check. Requisition forms? Check. Directions to the Maternal/Fetal Health Centre? Check. Husband on the way? Check. I was ready to go.

We sat waiting for the loooongest time in the waiting area, and as I looked around at all of the other couples, my nervousness grew. We were first called in to speak with a nurse, who asked us questions about our IVF - apparently, they do factor that in when they calculate a woman's risk of having a child with chromosomal abnormalities. Of course, one of the reasons I was so nervous was due to the reason for our infertility - my bad eggs. Which, of course, can lead to chromosomal issues!! But in any case, following the mini-interview, we were sent back out to the waiting area once more, and waited another 20 minutes or so before they called me in to get my blood drawn. Shortly thereafter, DH and I got to go into the ultrasound room.

Wendy, our ultrasound tech, was chipper, which actually put me more at ease. But as I lay there with tummy exposed and gel slicked on, I held my breath as I concentrated on the screen. What would the scan show?

It showed a squirmy, active baby! I started to cry. All of this worrying about my baby, and here he/she was - rolling around, kicking and punching. Wendy kept calling the baby a "little turkey" and she giggled a few times as our baby continued his/her shenanigans. But her feedback was so positive - heartbeat of 153 bpm, measuring right on time. She said she could already see all four chambers of the heart, which was "...amazing..." (her word) at this stage. The stomach looked clean, the skull appeared normal and you could see its arms and legs. The best part was watching this baby move...and finally believing that maybe, just maybe, we were going to get our happy ending!

Our nuchal results were terrific - came back with a negative screen, and my risk is apparently lower than for a 20 year old woman!

I followed up with an appointment to see my GP today, who was obligated to remind us that we could have an amniocentisis, if we wanted to. She has also recommended that we go to see a genetic counsellor to discuss our risks, considering we had ICSI performed during the IVF (ICSI patients have a 1-2% increased risk of chromosomal disorders over natural conceptions). I am more than happy to sit down and learn all of the facts and risks - but I doubt we will proceed with the amnio. DH and I talked about it already - but I guess it doesn't hurt to discuss it again.

The best part about my appointment today was that my GP whipped out a doppler - and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Oh - music to my ears. The gentle but rapid swish, swish, swish was just amazing...I am so happy that I don't think words can describe it!

Upward and onward - will post again to let you know what the genetic counsellor has to say!

XO,
Springroll