Tales of an Internet Addict

Okay, so I have literally spent the last three days combing the world wide web, looking for articles and postings on successful gonal-f/iui cycles. My eyes are crossed. Can other gals dealing with IF relate to this? The unyielding need to know every single thing there is to know about a condition/drug/procedure? How many google terms can you possibly come up with about one topic? How many ways can you say "IUI with injectables success"? And does it matter that some of the posts you read are from 2001? That the women who wrote them have likely gone on to have children (it has, after all, been 7 years...) That these women didn't necessarily know as much as you do on the subject, since you've spent a kajillion hours on the internet? It's crazy. But I need to be comforted. It cheers me up to hear women write about how thrilled they are that they are pregnant from their most recent gonal-f/iui cycle. It gives me hope. Maybe, just maybe, this is it.

I had my IUI this morning - I think it went well. I asked the nurse (Cheryl, totally nice) to read my follicle measurements to me again (this, of course, was due to all of the internet articles I had read on what constitutes a "mature follicle" and my insatiable need to guess how many of my follies would release an eggie...) Two on the right (1.6, 1.8) and three on the left (1.55, 1.7, 1.8). She thought that the three larger ones would release for sure, and that the little ones would likely release, but may not fertilize due to size. Fair enough. I just want one. That's all I'm asking for. One little spermie to drill his way into the eggie and make us a baby. And then for that little baby to stick.

I spent about half an hour laying on the exam table afterwards, breathing deeply, meditating and praying. Asking God for His mercy and His blessing. Asking Him for this miracle.

I like the way that my "cyber-friend", Danielle (DesignerBug) refers to my babies who are waiting to be born - "baby angels". I know that they are in heaven, waiting for God to send them down to us. Waiting to join us, and to be loved. I'm ready. I'm waiting too, Babies. All you have to do is come...