A New Look for a New Year

Happy New Year.

In the process of regrouping, I thought I would freshen things up and change the look of my little blog. I hope you all like it.

This past week has certainly had its ups and downs - mostly downs, I have to say. Even though on a cerebral basis I knew that our chances for success were only about 50%, having to deal with the reality of a failed cycle is a completely different thing. Compounding things was the fact that the clinic called to tell me that my lab test results were inconclusive (apparently, my urine was too dilute) , so I had to get a beta done. This was on Tuesday. I had a very, very brief fleeting bit of hope that perhaps my hpt was wrong, but then yesterday morning I took another hpt and it was still negative. I tell ya - there's nothing like having to hear over and over again, "You're not pregnant."

So now I wait the "official" word from the clinic once again, so that I can stop taking the prometrium and estrace. This was another source of grief for me - why on earth was I forced to continue taking these pregnancy-supporting hormones when I wasn't even pregnant? Irritating, to say the least. However, the clinic has been closed for the holiday season, so I have to wait until I receive instructions from them before I can stop.

So what lies ahead for me this year?

Well, we are going to go for IVF cycle #3 (...never thought I would get to this point...) and in the time that it takes to be called off the waiting list, I am going to go back to acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine. This is in an attempt to improve my egg quality.

I'm going to take the time to concentrate on some of my old friendships and build some new ones. I have pushed so many of them away that I have realized I have no one to turn to when I need a good laugh, or a girlfriend to catch a chick flick with.

I would like to get back to working out regularly again. Get my body and mind healthy for our next cycle.

I am committed to try and enjoy my life more. I have put so many things on hold because of our infertility challenges, I feel as though I am losing sight of who I am. 2009 will be the Year of Springroll.

And, of course, I will continue to hope and pray and remain positive. I will be a Mother one day.