I have a very pessimistic RE.
It's rather unfortunate, though I believe that it is inherent in his personality and may not necessarily be indicative of our potential for success with assisted reproductive technology.
Case in point -
I had an appointment today with him to further discuss my upcoming cycle (did I mention that we received the coveted "Call" off of the clinic's waiting list last week and we are poised to begin another IVF in early June?) Things weren't sitting well with me about what we were about to do - based upon the nurse's description of how my cycle was to evolve, it didn't sound like I was doing an Antagonist with Estrogen Priming cycle, the way I had originally thought. A few clicks of the old mouse and some posting to Dr. Hannam in Toronto helped me to learn that what was planned for me was far from the Antagonist/Estrogen Priming plan. Hence, the visit to my own RE to find out what the f*ck was going on...
It turns out that he has something even more special planned for us - we are being put on the Agonist/Antagonist Conversion Protocol with Estrogen Priming. This got me excited, as I had read about this at length and knew that it has proven to be quite effective with women who were poor responders. Pioneered by Dr. Geoffery Sher at the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine, the focus behind this protocol is in improving the environment that the egg grows in through promoting estrogen dominance in the ovary (read more here). Sounds great, right? So where does the pessimism come in?
Despite the fact that my RE is placing me on this protocol, he made it very clear that he doesn't necessarily believe that it will improve our chances - but that he was doing it because I had asked for it. Wait a minute, now - who's the doctor here?? If I had known that I could call my own shots like this, things would have been waaaay different waaaay earlier on!
In any case, my perception is that he is being negative because this protocol is relatively new to him (I don't believe he's done this with anyone else before). He said that there are some things about the protocol that seem unconventional to him. Clearly he is not a risk taker. Despite his penchant for repeatedly saying "This is what you've asked for..." I wanted to have a clear understanding that I wasn't totally off the beaten track (his unwillingness to assume accountability for making the decision to try this protocol was fine with me, as long as I was assured that it was the right direction to go in...) so I flat out asked him to tell me if this protocol was the wrong thing to try. He indicated that it wasn't - that it wouldn't hurt to go in this direction, that it did incorporate the antagonist protocol (which he originally recommended) and that it would allow us to say that we had tried everything. That was all that I needed.
I have written to Dr. Sher at SIRM to ask for his input into my situation - here's hoping that he writes back to me. Poor guy must have thousands of women writing him each day! I just wanted to hear some optimistic news about the journey that I am about to embark on. Everyone could use a little good news now and then, right?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
"Priming" Up for Another Cycle...
I can't believe that it's been an entire month since I last posted! The days seem to fly by, which has been fine and dandy for me since each day brings me closer to my next IVF cycle. The funny thing is, the clinic called me this month to offer me a cycle - but I declined, knowing that the retrieval and transfer were far too close to the end of the school year for my liking. Considering everything that I have gone through, the last thing that I wanted was for the success of this next cycle to be affected by the stresses of closing out a school year. DH and I decided we would defer until the following month, which brings us to a retrieval/transfer during the second week of July. Summer holidays will allow me to really put my feet up and relax during that dreaded two week wait!
Despite the fact that we turned down the cycle this month, the nurse very patiently walked me through the entire protocol that I'll be on - Estrogen Priming with Antagonist Protocol. Geez - talk about complicated. Twenty-one days of birth control pills, coupled with Suprefact. Then, good old Auntie Flo should arrive and I start stims with estrogen patches on Day 2 or 3. After approximately 12 days of stims, they go egg hunting, make babies in the lab, put them back inside and boom - I'm pregnant! Ha! If only it were that easy!
If I understand things correctly (and I'm still not sure that I do, even after reading a gazillion different things on EPP...) the estrogen will ensure that my FSH levels are not too high, which in turn will help the quality of the eggs. I must admit, I have high hopes for this protocol - I requested that my RE put me on it, as it is known to be very effective for poor responders. He's never done it before (and I'm a little nervous) but I'm channeling all of my positive thoughts toward this being a great success!
Just this week, I figured out that the bill for my last IVF cycle totaled approximately $17,000.00! Thankfully, my insurance plan covered 80% of the drug costs and DH's plan covered the rest - so really, we were only out of pocket about $7500.00. But this, added on to the $1550.00 we have spent on IUIs makes this one expensive adventure!! I would have preferred a trip around the world...
Sending a special "hello" and cyberhug to all of my cyberfriends - hope you are well and feeling peace in your hearts.
Despite the fact that we turned down the cycle this month, the nurse very patiently walked me through the entire protocol that I'll be on - Estrogen Priming with Antagonist Protocol. Geez - talk about complicated. Twenty-one days of birth control pills, coupled with Suprefact. Then, good old Auntie Flo should arrive and I start stims with estrogen patches on Day 2 or 3. After approximately 12 days of stims, they go egg hunting, make babies in the lab, put them back inside and boom - I'm pregnant! Ha! If only it were that easy!
If I understand things correctly (and I'm still not sure that I do, even after reading a gazillion different things on EPP...) the estrogen will ensure that my FSH levels are not too high, which in turn will help the quality of the eggs. I must admit, I have high hopes for this protocol - I requested that my RE put me on it, as it is known to be very effective for poor responders. He's never done it before (and I'm a little nervous) but I'm channeling all of my positive thoughts toward this being a great success!
Just this week, I figured out that the bill for my last IVF cycle totaled approximately $17,000.00! Thankfully, my insurance plan covered 80% of the drug costs and DH's plan covered the rest - so really, we were only out of pocket about $7500.00. But this, added on to the $1550.00 we have spent on IUIs makes this one expensive adventure!! I would have preferred a trip around the world...
Sending a special "hello" and cyberhug to all of my cyberfriends - hope you are well and feeling peace in your hearts.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Two Days and Counting...
...until we jet off to the sunny Carribean. DH and I are leaving on Friday for a much needed holiday to the Dominican Republic and I am a little embarassed to say that we have chosen an adults only resort.
Why does this embarass me, you may ask? Because I'm an elementary school principal - aren't I supposed to LOVE being around children? When I was starting out my career in teaching, there were times when I would be highly amused by certain adults that I was at social gatherings with. Whenever there were children afoot, they would automatically assume that I would entertain their children whilst they enjoyed their glasses of wine and more "adult" conversation - after all, I was a teacher, wasn't I? They would invariably introduce me to their children by saying "This is Springroll, she's a Grade Three teacher!" They would smile, nudge their children towards me, then leave me in the dust while the kids dragged me toward their drawings or toys. It drove me crazy.
More recently, since the onset of my "condition", I find myself melancholy, at times, just being around children (especially our youngest students, who are typically 3.5 to 4 years of age). For example, at last year's Mother's Day Tea, our Kindergarten children sang "You are My Sunshine" to a room full of beaming mothers - and a bawling principal. Most moms thought that I was touched by the moment - little did they know that I was crying because I was faced with the possibility that I would never hear a child of my own singing this very same song to me. Rather pathetic. And last year's spring break holiday, while amazing, also had its tear-filled moments. Like the day that I watched a man carry his little baby boy around the pool on his shoulders. The little boy shrieked in delight each time he got splashed. The man beamed. And I cried - wondering if my own husband would ever get the chance to do that. Good lord.
Given the fact that I am around children all of the time, and given my somewhat fragile mental state (ha-ha!), I jumped at the chance to go to a beautiful, five-star, child-free resort. I can't wait to lie on my lounger, listening to nothing but the sound of the ocean lapping against the shore. Yay me.
In other news - my sonohysterogram went smoothly and was so much less painful than an HSG!! Though it's not my first choice of ways to spend my spring break, I'd do it again if I had to. And the best part is - I got a clean bill of health! No polyps, no issues. And even better than that - they gave me another antral follicle count and it's at 10!!! That's TWO more than last month's!! Wooohoooo!! Now if we can only see the same number of follies when we cycle, we'll be laughing all the way to the clinic...
P.S. Congrats to my special cyber-friend, CJDR, who gave birth to a beautiful little boy a couple of weeks ago. She is proof that miracles can happen - you just have to believe...
Why does this embarass me, you may ask? Because I'm an elementary school principal - aren't I supposed to LOVE being around children? When I was starting out my career in teaching, there were times when I would be highly amused by certain adults that I was at social gatherings with. Whenever there were children afoot, they would automatically assume that I would entertain their children whilst they enjoyed their glasses of wine and more "adult" conversation - after all, I was a teacher, wasn't I? They would invariably introduce me to their children by saying "This is Springroll, she's a Grade Three teacher!" They would smile, nudge their children towards me, then leave me in the dust while the kids dragged me toward their drawings or toys. It drove me crazy.
More recently, since the onset of my "condition", I find myself melancholy, at times, just being around children (especially our youngest students, who are typically 3.5 to 4 years of age). For example, at last year's Mother's Day Tea, our Kindergarten children sang "You are My Sunshine" to a room full of beaming mothers - and a bawling principal. Most moms thought that I was touched by the moment - little did they know that I was crying because I was faced with the possibility that I would never hear a child of my own singing this very same song to me. Rather pathetic. And last year's spring break holiday, while amazing, also had its tear-filled moments. Like the day that I watched a man carry his little baby boy around the pool on his shoulders. The little boy shrieked in delight each time he got splashed. The man beamed. And I cried - wondering if my own husband would ever get the chance to do that. Good lord.
Given the fact that I am around children all of the time, and given my somewhat fragile mental state (ha-ha!), I jumped at the chance to go to a beautiful, five-star, child-free resort. I can't wait to lie on my lounger, listening to nothing but the sound of the ocean lapping against the shore. Yay me.
In other news - my sonohysterogram went smoothly and was so much less painful than an HSG!! Though it's not my first choice of ways to spend my spring break, I'd do it again if I had to. And the best part is - I got a clean bill of health! No polyps, no issues. And even better than that - they gave me another antral follicle count and it's at 10!!! That's TWO more than last month's!! Wooohoooo!! Now if we can only see the same number of follies when we cycle, we'll be laughing all the way to the clinic...
P.S. Congrats to my special cyber-friend, CJDR, who gave birth to a beautiful little boy a couple of weeks ago. She is proof that miracles can happen - you just have to believe...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I am not pregnant.
Again.
I honestly don't know why I expected to be. I guess it was the addition of the royal jelly and the coenzyme q-10 and all of that acupuncture. I was expecting all of those things to be working their magic on my ovaries - thinking that maybe, just maybe, I would shoot out one perfect egg this month that would joyously unite with a sperm to create our special child.
Nope.
So - textbook example of self-flagellation...
I was sick last week and stayed home from work one morning. What did I do? Watch episode after episode of A Baby Story on TLC. There I was - head completely clogged, entirely unable breathe properly, and I was bawling because of all of the births that I was witnessing. Thinking to myself, my God - I'll never have that moment in my life. It will never happen for me. I will never have the chance to feel my baby kicking or see my baby's ultrasound or yell at my husband for telling me to push harder!! I was a blubbering mess.
Why does it have to be this way? I have asked this question time and time again, but I will ask it one more time - Why does it have to be so hard?
I honestly don't know why I expected to be. I guess it was the addition of the royal jelly and the coenzyme q-10 and all of that acupuncture. I was expecting all of those things to be working their magic on my ovaries - thinking that maybe, just maybe, I would shoot out one perfect egg this month that would joyously unite with a sperm to create our special child.
Nope.
So - textbook example of self-flagellation...
I was sick last week and stayed home from work one morning. What did I do? Watch episode after episode of A Baby Story on TLC. There I was - head completely clogged, entirely unable breathe properly, and I was bawling because of all of the births that I was witnessing. Thinking to myself, my God - I'll never have that moment in my life. It will never happen for me. I will never have the chance to feel my baby kicking or see my baby's ultrasound or yell at my husband for telling me to push harder!! I was a blubbering mess.
Why does it have to be this way? I have asked this question time and time again, but I will ask it one more time - Why does it have to be so hard?
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Results Are In...
The days seem to pass like a whirling dervish - and I am grateful, since it means that we are that much closer to our next IVF cycle. I was reading different posts on different forums the other day (what's new?) and I read the post of a women who has done 15 IVF cycles!! Good God - I was shocked. Then I prayed really, really hard that this won't happen for us...
In any case, I have the results of some of my testing back - some good, some so-so. My Day 3 FSH level is 6 - which, according to the Advanced Fertility website, is a "reassuring level - expect a good response to stimulation..." Yeah, okay. Next, my Day 3 Estradiol count is 41, which again according to this website would suggest normal ovarian functioning (I am well within the normal range). But my antral follicle count (taken on Day 9 of my cycle) was at 8. Four on each side. The nurse tried to cheer me up by saying, "It's not that bad! It's not that many away from what we would consider good/normal!" Um, okay. She also reminded me that antral follicle counts vary from cycle to cycle and that things could improve. Bless her heart.
So now I await the start of my next cycle so that I can go for my sonohysterogram. I talked my RE into letting me have this test done instead of the HSG, since the HSG is more painful and since we don't really need to worry about blocked tubes. But here's hoping that there is no next cycle - DH and I tried really hard this month (as prescribed by our acupunturist), so we'll see if we get lucky.
Since the addition of the royal jelly and coenzyme q10 to my diet, I have had headaches, early ovulation, and now, a head cold. I hope that it's all just coincidental - I really want to make sure that I continue to take everything that I need to in order to have healthy eggs for the spring.
Ahhhh, spring - time to go for that egg hunt! I can't wait.
In any case, I have the results of some of my testing back - some good, some so-so. My Day 3 FSH level is 6 - which, according to the Advanced Fertility website, is a "reassuring level - expect a good response to stimulation..." Yeah, okay. Next, my Day 3 Estradiol count is 41, which again according to this website would suggest normal ovarian functioning (I am well within the normal range). But my antral follicle count (taken on Day 9 of my cycle) was at 8. Four on each side. The nurse tried to cheer me up by saying, "It's not that bad! It's not that many away from what we would consider good/normal!" Um, okay. She also reminded me that antral follicle counts vary from cycle to cycle and that things could improve. Bless her heart.
So now I await the start of my next cycle so that I can go for my sonohysterogram. I talked my RE into letting me have this test done instead of the HSG, since the HSG is more painful and since we don't really need to worry about blocked tubes. But here's hoping that there is no next cycle - DH and I tried really hard this month (as prescribed by our acupunturist), so we'll see if we get lucky.
Since the addition of the royal jelly and coenzyme q10 to my diet, I have had headaches, early ovulation, and now, a head cold. I hope that it's all just coincidental - I really want to make sure that I continue to take everything that I need to in order to have healthy eggs for the spring.
Ahhhh, spring - time to go for that egg hunt! I can't wait.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Something New to "Bee-lieve" In
Yes, I am currently consumed with researching ways to improve my egg quality. I have recently spent hours combing the internet, seeking the wisdom of Dr. Google to take me to websites that will somehow share the ultimate secret to how I can get pregnant. I have read medical studies and gone through fertility clinic sites, visited forums and browsed through what feels like a million and one posts. And in all of this research, I think have actually found something that I am really beginning to get excited about:
Lemon jellybeans? Nope. Werther's Originals? Wrong again. Those, folks, are Royal Jelly capsules. What the heck, you may be asking, is Royal Jelly? Royal Jelly is an extremely nutrient-rich product that is said to improve fertility. It is a milky substance, generated by bees - the pollen that is fed by the worker bees only to the queen bee, whose job it is to produce lots and lots of infant bees. It's rich in amino acids, vitamins and enzymes, and can be considered nature's fertility drug. Royal Jelly helps the queen bee lay millions of eggs and live a much longer life than the poor old worker bee. Dr. Randine Lewis, a reknowned Traditional Chinese Medicine practicioner who specialized in infertility, recommends supplementing one's diet with Royal Jelly to improve fertility (read article here), and several other write-ups on the Net could be found, expounding its virtues. I even found my way onto a forum where several women posted stories of their success with Royal Jelly - several of them having tried to conceive for 2+ years, and many of them having conceived after taking Royal Jelly (one of them naturally!)
Lemon jellybeans? Nope. Werther's Originals? Wrong again. Those, folks, are Royal Jelly capsules. What the heck, you may be asking, is Royal Jelly? Royal Jelly is an extremely nutrient-rich product that is said to improve fertility. It is a milky substance, generated by bees - the pollen that is fed by the worker bees only to the queen bee, whose job it is to produce lots and lots of infant bees. It's rich in amino acids, vitamins and enzymes, and can be considered nature's fertility drug. Royal Jelly helps the queen bee lay millions of eggs and live a much longer life than the poor old worker bee. Dr. Randine Lewis, a reknowned Traditional Chinese Medicine practicioner who specialized in infertility, recommends supplementing one's diet with Royal Jelly to improve fertility (read article here), and several other write-ups on the Net could be found, expounding its virtues. I even found my way onto a forum where several women posted stories of their success with Royal Jelly - several of them having tried to conceive for 2+ years, and many of them having conceived after taking Royal Jelly (one of them naturally!)
So I popped into my neighbourhood health food store to pick some up. Being rather ignorant to what exactly I was looking for, I asked the elderly store owner for help. He directed me to a bottle that contained 45 gelcaps, and I asked him how I go about taking them. He looked at me like I was on crack!
"Why, with water of course!" he replied with a smile, "Or if you want, you can even take it with food!"
I felt rather stupid at that point, and explained to him that I had read that Royal Jelly was like a honey that people eat by the spoonful (...damn internet...). He told me that that was how Royal Jelly was sold in the UK, but in Canada, he has only seen it sold as capsules. Good enough for me, as I had also read how foul-tasting the creamed version was.
I took my little bottle home, opened her up - and was shocked to see how HUGE the capsules are! I swear they are about 2 cm in length. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get it down my gullet - but with enough water, that little baby washes down like nothing!
And so begins my relationship with yet another fertility treatment. On top of the acupuncture and Chinese herbs, I will be taking Royal Jelly for the next couple of months, from Day 1 until Ovulation. I also intend to add Coenzyme Q10 to my diet - and DH's diet as well - as I have read that this mineral is also tremendously useful in improving sperm and egg quality. Thankfully, we are taking these supplements in good time - apparently, you need to give it at least three months before benefits may be seen. I can't wait - I just know that my next IVF cycle will yield much better results. I have to "bee-lieve" that.
P.S. A special "hello!" to the ladies who wished me a happy blogoversary! Thanks for reading and for your support! :)
Monday, February 23, 2009
Happy Anniversary!
Hey!
I missed my one-year anniversary. I began this blog one year ago yesterday - crazy how time flies. I just went through some of my entries and I have such mixed emotions...sadness at all of the things that have happened...pride at our ability to weather the storm...disbelief at our lack of progress...hope that there are better things to come.
And here I am, one year later, without much to report. I am currently on CD26, waiting for my little friend to arrive. I am well into the "acupuncture groove", with my weekly appointments and my evening elixirs (Chinese herbal teas). My acupuncturist is sincerely trying hard to help us conceive naturally - she figures that we need to "try really hard" (her words) in March, because we will have had a couple of months of treatment and we should be seeing the effects. It's also the last month that I will be drinking the teas, since she feels that I should have all of the herbs out of my system before we start our next IVF cycle (so if we cycle in May, I need to stop the herbs in March so that I have April to "recover").
I am trying to read anything and everything that there is to read about the antagonist protocol and estrogen priming (which my RE doesn't know much about but promises he will learn more about to see if he can apply it to my situation). I swear I can be licensed to practice as a fertility specialist, with all of the reading that I have done. Do you think there's a market for "infertility consultants" anywhere?
Sadly, my RE has requested another HSG. For those of you familiar - do you feel my pain? I can't believe that I have to have another one done. I made the executive decision, however, not to have it done in March, since we are going to "try really hard" to conceive naturally. I don't want anything to interfere.
I have an ultrasound for an antral follicle count on March 10th. I was a little suspicious of this - I had read that antral follicle counts should be done at the beginning of a cycle (cycle days 1-4), but the radiologist's office was booking appointments six weeks in advance! How the hell was I going to time my appointment to coincide with my period?!? I called the fertility clinic (left FOUR messages before hearing back...but that's another rant...) and they have told me that antral follicle counts can be conducted at any time (um, okay...) if the technician is a good one. Then I was told that in my case, it's not going to matter much anyway (gee, thanks).
And finally, because I haven't had enough testing conducted, I have to go for another series of blood tests for HIV, Hep B and Day 3 FSH. Wow. Looking forward to it.
Well, that's the update. A pretty lame one, I know - but whaddya do? It is what it is.
I missed my one-year anniversary. I began this blog one year ago yesterday - crazy how time flies. I just went through some of my entries and I have such mixed emotions...sadness at all of the things that have happened...pride at our ability to weather the storm...disbelief at our lack of progress...hope that there are better things to come.
And here I am, one year later, without much to report. I am currently on CD26, waiting for my little friend to arrive. I am well into the "acupuncture groove", with my weekly appointments and my evening elixirs (Chinese herbal teas). My acupuncturist is sincerely trying hard to help us conceive naturally - she figures that we need to "try really hard" (her words) in March, because we will have had a couple of months of treatment and we should be seeing the effects. It's also the last month that I will be drinking the teas, since she feels that I should have all of the herbs out of my system before we start our next IVF cycle (so if we cycle in May, I need to stop the herbs in March so that I have April to "recover").
I am trying to read anything and everything that there is to read about the antagonist protocol and estrogen priming (which my RE doesn't know much about but promises he will learn more about to see if he can apply it to my situation). I swear I can be licensed to practice as a fertility specialist, with all of the reading that I have done. Do you think there's a market for "infertility consultants" anywhere?
Sadly, my RE has requested another HSG. For those of you familiar - do you feel my pain? I can't believe that I have to have another one done. I made the executive decision, however, not to have it done in March, since we are going to "try really hard" to conceive naturally. I don't want anything to interfere.
I have an ultrasound for an antral follicle count on March 10th. I was a little suspicious of this - I had read that antral follicle counts should be done at the beginning of a cycle (cycle days 1-4), but the radiologist's office was booking appointments six weeks in advance! How the hell was I going to time my appointment to coincide with my period?!? I called the fertility clinic (left FOUR messages before hearing back...but that's another rant...) and they have told me that antral follicle counts can be conducted at any time (um, okay...) if the technician is a good one. Then I was told that in my case, it's not going to matter much anyway (gee, thanks).
And finally, because I haven't had enough testing conducted, I have to go for another series of blood tests for HIV, Hep B and Day 3 FSH. Wow. Looking forward to it.
Well, that's the update. A pretty lame one, I know - but whaddya do? It is what it is.
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