Thursday, March 19, 2009

I am not pregnant.


I honestly don't know why I expected to be. I guess it was the addition of the royal jelly and the coenzyme q-10 and all of that acupuncture. I was expecting all of those things to be working their magic on my ovaries - thinking that maybe, just maybe, I would shoot out one perfect egg this month that would joyously unite with a sperm to create our special child.


So - textbook example of self-flagellation...

I was sick last week and stayed home from work one morning. What did I do? Watch episode after episode of A Baby Story on TLC. There I was - head completely clogged, entirely unable breathe properly, and I was bawling because of all of the births that I was witnessing. Thinking to myself, my God - I'll never have that moment in my life. It will never happen for me. I will never have the chance to feel my baby kicking or see my baby's ultrasound or yell at my husband for telling me to push harder!! I was a blubbering mess.

Why does it have to be this way? I have asked this question time and time again, but I will ask it one more time - Why does it have to be so hard?

Monday, March 9, 2009

The Results Are In...

The days seem to pass like a whirling dervish - and I am grateful, since it means that we are that much closer to our next IVF cycle. I was reading different posts on different forums the other day (what's new?) and I read the post of a women who has done 15 IVF cycles!! Good God - I was shocked. Then I prayed really, really hard that this won't happen for us...

In any case, I have the results of some of my testing back - some good, some so-so. My Day 3 FSH level is 6 - which, according to the Advanced Fertility website, is a "reassuring level - expect a good response to stimulation..." Yeah, okay. Next, my Day 3 Estradiol count is 41, which again according to this website would suggest normal ovarian functioning (I am well within the normal range). But my antral follicle count (taken on Day 9 of my cycle) was at 8. Four on each side. The nurse tried to cheer me up by saying, "It's not that bad! It's not that many away from what we would consider good/normal!" Um, okay. She also reminded me that antral follicle counts vary from cycle to cycle and that things could improve. Bless her heart.

So now I await the start of my next cycle so that I can go for my sonohysterogram. I talked my RE into letting me have this test done instead of the HSG, since the HSG is more painful and since we don't really need to worry about blocked tubes. But here's hoping that there is no next cycle - DH and I tried really hard this month (as prescribed by our acupunturist), so we'll see if we get lucky.

Since the addition of the royal jelly and coenzyme q10 to my diet, I have had headaches, early ovulation, and now, a head cold. I hope that it's all just coincidental - I really want to make sure that I continue to take everything that I need to in order to have healthy eggs for the spring.

Ahhhh, spring - time to go for that egg hunt! I can't wait.