I honestly don't know why I expected to be. I guess it was the addition of the royal jelly and the coenzyme q-10 and all of that acupuncture. I was expecting all of those things to be working their magic on my ovaries - thinking that maybe, just maybe, I would shoot out one perfect egg this month that would joyously unite with a sperm to create our special child.
So - textbook example of self-flagellation...
I was sick last week and stayed home from work one morning. What did I do? Watch episode after episode of A Baby Story on TLC. There I was - head completely clogged, entirely unable breathe properly, and I was bawling because of all of the births that I was witnessing. Thinking to myself, my God - I'll never have that moment in my life. It will never happen for me. I will never have the chance to feel my baby kicking or see my baby's ultrasound or yell at my husband for telling me to push harder!! I was a blubbering mess.
Why does it have to be this way? I have asked this question time and time again, but I will ask it one more time - Why does it have to be so hard?