Thursday, March 19, 2009

I am not pregnant.

Again.

I honestly don't know why I expected to be. I guess it was the addition of the royal jelly and the coenzyme q-10 and all of that acupuncture. I was expecting all of those things to be working their magic on my ovaries - thinking that maybe, just maybe, I would shoot out one perfect egg this month that would joyously unite with a sperm to create our special child.

Nope.

So - textbook example of self-flagellation...

I was sick last week and stayed home from work one morning. What did I do? Watch episode after episode of A Baby Story on TLC. There I was - head completely clogged, entirely unable breathe properly, and I was bawling because of all of the births that I was witnessing. Thinking to myself, my God - I'll never have that moment in my life. It will never happen for me. I will never have the chance to feel my baby kicking or see my baby's ultrasound or yell at my husband for telling me to push harder!! I was a blubbering mess.

Why does it have to be this way? I have asked this question time and time again, but I will ask it one more time - Why does it have to be so hard?

5 comments:

Mommytobe said...

Oh SR, I wish I had the answer for you... from experience all I can say is keep the faith and it will eventually happen... even if it did take me 4 years :(
Hugs!

Jennielynn said...

Oh Springroll, I read your post wrong and missed the not in the title. My heart is so heavy for you. I wish that it was different. I also wish I had the answer for you. I will keep you and DH in my prayers and hopefully it will happen really soon.

Big Hugs!!
Jennielynn

rescogitatae said...

Oh Springroll, I don't have anything good to say. I'm so sorry. Huge hugs.
T.

Rebecca said...

I am so sorry. (((HUGS)))

zabe77 said...

Oh sweetie, I wish I knew why too. The one thing I do understand is how hard it is. Sending you hugs.