Our Prayers Have Been Answered!

Wow.

DH woke up before me this morning, and gently kissed me awake. I lay in bed, crying and telling him that I didn't want to go and test because I was scared of the outcome, but my amazing DH held me and told me how much he loved me and how whatever the outcome, we would deal with it together. So off I went, stick in hand.

After peeing on the stick, I brought it up to cap and noticed that the "+" sign had immediately appeared. I exclaimed, "HONEY!! WE'RE PREGNANT!!" The hilarious part of it was - I wasn't even finished peeing yet!!

I never, ever thought that I would get the chance to see a positive pregnancy test. I feel so blessed - and am still having a hard time believing that this day has come.

Thank you to all of my "cyber-friends" for their love and support - we will be walking on eggshells for the next couple of weeks until our first u/s at the clinic, but right now I am so thrilled to announce -

Faith

"And we are confident that He hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for" 1 John 5:14-15

I found this scripture on a thread where women were posting their IVF successes (see thread here ). Yes - I have been googling like mad (someone, quick, smash my computer!!!) and trying to read up on the successes of other women who were around my age, had a similar Rx, got a similar amount of eggs fertilized, and who transferred embryos that were about the same as my three Musketeers. Maniacal? Yes. Ridiculous? Absolutely. They definitely need a different name for this stage fo the IVF process - something more dramatic than "The Two Week Wait".

Then I found this scripture, written at the bottom of one girl's post - and you know what? It calmed me.

I have done so much praying this week - and I know that God has been listening. I can only hope that it is His will that we are blessed with children.

9dp3dt. Can this week possibly get any longer?

4dp3dt

Okay, despite my best efforts to lay low, I can't help but pop on here to write about how these past few days have been for me...

DH has been in Montreal on business, so my wonderful, amazing, fantastical parents came to stay with me so that they could help take care of me! They have been so sweet - my Dad has cooked for me and my Mom has helped me in different ways, whether it's been doing my laundry or helping to empty to the dishwasher. They've also been chauffering me around, because my Mom firmly believes that the stress of driving in Calgary (...yes, for all of you Calgarians out there, you know how terrible our traffic and infrastructure is!!) is not good for the embies. So I've been pampered and spoiled beyond belief. The best thing so far? The fried egg sandwiches that my dad has made me for breakfast. Healthy? Nope. But good? Absolutely!!

I've been feeling great, aside from some slight constipation issues. I attended the wedding on Saturday of one of DH's best friends (DH was in the bridal party), but only the reception in the evening (so that I could rest during the day). I even snuck in one slow dance with my incredibly handsome husband (don't tell my Mom!!) and left early enough to still feel well rested. The rest of the days have passed by without much to comment on - couple of naps here and there, some trips to the grocery store (with my Dad to hold the basket) and lots of time spent on the computer just surfing and reading about what I should be doing post-transfer.

One thing that has been different is the cramping - I have had cramps on and off since the transfer. The cerebral side of me knows that it's simple the side effects of the progesterone and estrogen that I am pumping myself full of right now. The emotional side of me hopes that it's because our little Musketeers are snuggling in and getting ready to put a down payment on this womb-for-rent.

Ah, the Musketeers. I talk to them every day, encouraging them to stick around. If I am not mistaken, it's implantation time right about now. I am wishing with all of my might that there is magic happening right this very minute - and that God has blessed us with one or two little ones.

Welcome Home

Well, the three musketeers have a new home now.

We had our transfer today at noon, and were thrilled to be shown a picture of three (what I consider perfect!) embryos (though I'm sure the RE and embryologist may disagree slightly...) We have welcomed home a robust 9-cell embryo, a beautiful 8-cell embryo, and a dainty little 4-cell embryo.

They did comment that our little guy at 4 cells is still slightly behind, but that it may catch up. They were described as good embryos, and our RE told us that if we were looking for perfect embryos we would be disappointed because they appear far and few between. And then the embryologist reminded us that sometimes perfect embryos don't become babies later on. So the mood was definitely one of optimism - especially encouraging since our RE tends to be such a pessimist!! DH and I are over the moon...

My bladder was full today, but not painfully full as it was the last time I did a transfer. Our RE did an amazing job of talking us through each step and pointing to the ultrasound screen to show us where my uterus was located and where the catheter was, and he pointed out the exact moment that our embies entered their new home - it showed up as a little bright glow on the screen. Magic.

My amazing acupuncturist showed up to give me a session before the transfer, then stayed to give me a session post-transfer. She is such an incredible person and we are so grateful that she made herself available to us like that! Her enthusiasm and positive energy really added to the overall optimistic mood and DH and I left on such a high.

So now it's a waiting game. DH has already kissed his "babies" a dozen times and I have had a great day of rest. I continue to thank God for this - and will continue to pray that these little babies snuggle in for the long haul.

Dearest friends - thank you for your support. Given that we haven't told many of our "real time" friends, your words of encouragement mean so much.

XOXO

Dear Embies...

To My Three Little Musketeers -

I received a phone call this morning from your temporary guardians and they have told me of your adventures. It seems that you have been busy bees overnight - one of you is at 6 cells, one of you is at 4 cells, and one of you is a tiny little 2 celled sprite.

I love you already.

Please keep working hard to grow. I know that it's a lot of work, but you will be in mummy's tummy very soon. I promise that when you are, I will take very good care of you and nurture you so that you grow healthy and strong.

Know that your mummy and daddy have been thinking about you every waking minute, and we can't wait to see you tomorrow afternoon.

All for one, one for all -

Lots of love,
Mummy

The Update - and it' a Good One!!

Retrieval went just fine yesterday - the most painful part was the application of the needle for my IV drip. The RE who conducted the retrieval is partial to inserting the needle into the side of the wrist - and seeing as I have small wrists (zero flesh on them!!) it hurt like a bitch!! I actually dropped the F-bomb when she was done - then immediately apologized. Terribly embarassing. Oh well - I hope she understood!

Anyway, she had given me some Gravol along with the painkillers, so I was terribly drowsy during the procedure (this didn't happen during my last retrieval - I was so much more alert. Which may or may not have been a good thing, since the last retrieval yielded such bad results!) Before I knew it, they were done (all I can remember is feeling the RE gently poking around my right ovary, doing what I can only assume was a double-check...) and I was being wheeled into the recovery area. I was completely out of it.

The good news: Six eggs recovered, five mature enough for ICSI. I made a specific point about asking the embryologists who came out to see me what condition those five eggs were in, and they said that the eggs were good - one of them even piped up that he was a "hard marker". I immediately thanked God for His blessing and went home much happier than with our last retrieval.

DH and I have been on pins and needles, waiting for the call from the lab on fertilization. Again, the news was good -

Of the five ICSI'd, three have fertilized!!! One of the five fertilized abnormally, and another did not survive the night. The three remaining do not show any immediate signs of being poor in quality, but it is still early (the embryologist reminded me!) so tomorrow will be quite telling. I was so happy that I almost started to cry - we have three embabies, and I continue to pray that they make it to Friday, when we have our transfer.

The embryologist has recommended that all three go back in - to which I wholeheartedly agreed. Friday cannot come soon enough - please keep those prayers coming.

Thank you to all of you wonderful girls who have posted your support...more updates soon!!

Just Pull the Trigger...

Well, I took my trigger shot last night at 10:00 p.m.

Yesterday morning, I went for one last ultrasound to measure the follicles once again. I'm not sure why I asked for that ultrasound; even if we had discovered that the larger follicles had grown far too big overnight, there really wouldn't have been anything that we could have done about it. I guess the Control Freak in me just wanted to know what I was dealing with.

Turns out that there was just slight growth with my last dose of stims -

Right ovary - 1.8 mm and 1.9 mm (and my little mystery sausage in the middle. The RE said no matter what she did, she just could not get that little squished follicle to reveal itself long enough for measurement...)

Left ovary - 1.5 mm and 1.7 mm (which is okay, I guess. The RE doesn't know if the 1.5 will contain a viable egg, but the 1.7 might...)

Lining was nice and thick - and the verdict was that I was ready to pull the trigger.

So shortly before 10 p.m., I got myself all ready - filled my syringes carefully and got myself all primed up to go. Unfortunately, however, I noticed a stubborn bubble in one of the syringes, and flick as I might I couldn't get it to go away. I enlisted my DH's help - and what a mistake that was!! His idea of getting rid of the bubble was to push it out - along with some of the meds! When I noticed this, I freaked out on him!!! Needless to say, despite my best attempts to have a smooth as silk trigger, it was a little stressful for both of us.

So our little egg collection begins tomorrow morning at 9:00...wish us luck!!

P.S. Tania and Raeanne - thanks for the luv!! XOXO

"Stim"-ulating Conversation...

Well, here's another update, recorded for posterity!!

I went for another ultrasound this morning to see how my wee follies were faring...

Right ovary - 1.75 mm and 1.8 mm (no, I haven't lost the third one...it's sausage-shaped, squished between the other two...so since we had a measure of it yesterday already, the RE figured she wouldn't measure it today. She says they'll drain the other two, and the one in the middle will likely spring back into shape and they will proceed with draining it...)

Left ovary - 1.4 mm and 1.7 mm (yes - can you believe the growth in that little one? Good news indeed!)

So the big decision of the day was whether or not to trigger me tonight. Given the issues presented with my last cycle, I was really worried that my bigger follicles (and subsequent eggs)would be rendered useless at retrieval time and didn't want to sacrifice those for the sake of nudging along my littlest follicle. The RE met with the embryologist before making the call, and together they have decided that I will stim for one more day and trigger tomorrow night. They are worried that my 1.7's won't be mature enough and they will not be able to fertilize. They think that this is the best decision to make in order to maximize the number of eggs they can work with.

Obviously, I trust the RE's expertise, but cannot help but worry about my two bigger follies. I am hoping and praying that they hang in there and that all will be well on Tuesday when we suck those little guys out.

In other news...

A good girlfriend and I went for a massage yesterday afternoon - and let me tell you, it was heavenly. I so enjoyed it, and so needed it!! I was completely tight and tense in my upper back, shoulders and neck and was scolded by the therapist for not getting massages more regularly. Perhaps it's what my little follie needed in order to shoot up! This girlfriend is getting ready to give birth to twins this weekend - yes, this weekend!! She is pregnant with girl/boy IVF twins and is anxiously awaiting their arrival. Perhaps yesterday's massage also got things moving with her!

Please say a prayer for me and my little follies tonight...

XOXO

Follicle Follow-Up

Well, just got home from my date with the old vagi-cam and it looks like we lost one in the left ovary. Not surprising since it hadn't grown at all between the first and second ultrasound appointments! I'm not too concerned, as we got relatively positive news about the others -

Right ovary - 1.5, 1.75 and 1.2 mm, respectively
Left ovary - 1.35 and 1.1 mm, respectively

The RE believes that we will have our retrieval either on Monday or Tuesday, with the transfer on either Thursday or Friday. I just want them to make the best decision possible that will allow for maximum growth of those little eggies...

To my beautiful friends who have left me messages on this blog - thank you, thank you, thank you. Your support means so much to me. Please keep your prayers coming - we are still hoping for that little miracle!

XOXO

Growing Pains

Well, I thought I should post an update - if for nothing more than to have a record of this cycle and how I have progressed through it.

Since my last entry, I've had two ultrasounds to check the growth of my little follicular friends... and unfortunately, the news hasn't been that fantastic.

My first ultrasound was this past Saturday, July 4th - Day 5, after four nights of stims. Six follicles - 0.5, 0.5, 0.4 (right), 0.5, 0.3, 0.3 (left). I was told by the attending RE that the follicles were a bit on the small side, but to remain optimistic. He was lovely - empathic, but also realistic with me. And to be honest, I really wasn't overly upset. I'm not sure why - perhaps it had to do with the fact that I was experiencing an eery deja vu - I distinctly recall another occasion when I sat in that very u/s room and was told I was only working with six follicles. Back then I was devastated - this time, I was resigned. Sigh.

Following that appointment, I was determined to do what I could to help those six little follicles grow - so I had a couple of acupuncture sessions, did some femoral massage at home (what a trippy sensation that was!!) and did my best to stay on schedule with my meds.

Fast forward to this morning...good growth for most - but not all - of my follicles. Still six - 1.1, 1.1, 0.85 (right), 1.1, 0.6, 0.3 (left). The good news is - I am seeing more even growth amongst all of the follicles (whereas last cycle, there was a bigger spread). The bad news is - we're probably only working with four viable eggs, unless the little guy at 0.6 goes through a growth spurt and he shows up to play on retrieval day. That poor little guy at 0.3 will likely not catch up, according to the nurses. Sigh. The runt of the litter.

My lining is great - 0.86. Not surprising, considering all of the estrogen that I am on right now. This is also another positive. I am looking for all of the positives that I can get.

So I will continue with my acupuncture and femoral massage in hopes of helping those little guys out. Praying for the best. Keeping fingers crossed. Looking for a miracle.

Third Time's A Charm...

Has it really been over a month?

Yes, I have been a neglectful blogger. Things at work have been stressful, crazy, anxiety-inducing, and every other negative adjective imaginable...I'm just glad that the school year is over! Seriously, it really wasn't a great year, so given the fact that we had originally been offered the chance to do another IVF cycle in early June, I am so glad that we made the decision to defer...doing it while the craziness was happening would have been such a waste of finances and emotion.

So here we are. Third cycle. Three days into stimming. And I'm feeling optimistic.

Although I must admit, I had myself a little meltdown on Tuesday evening - my first day with all of my little pills and injections. Because they have me on such a complex protocol this time around, there is a distinct increase not only in the dosages I am on, but also in the types of drugs I have to manage. I am on estrogen patches, vaginal estrogen tablets, antibiotics, gonal f, cetrotide, and low dose aspirin. Throw in a little royal jelly and coenzyme q-10 for egg quality, pre-natal vitamins for baby's health, and I am a walking pharmacy. I was so overwhelmed by it all - keeping track of it, making sure I take it all on time, etc. - that I crawled into bed and cried on Tuesday night. But that's the only cry I am allowing myself for now - right this minute, I am optimistic.

My goal is to create healthy eggs. I don't even necessarily need a ton of eggs (though last night while I was lying in bed trying to coax myself to sleep, I was thinking that 8 would be a nice round number - it even looks like two eggs, one on top of the other!!) I just want to make some healthy eggs that will fertilize beautifully and make nice little embryos that have the strength to burrow in for the long haul...or for at least nine months. I am so much better prepared for this cycle - months and months of acupuncture, Chinese herbs, royal jelly, and coenzyme q10 have got to count for something!

I go for my Day 5 ultrasound and bloodwork on Saturday morning - our first peek into what's going on in those ovaries of mine.

Did I mention that I'm feeling optimistic?