Food For Thought

Alright, I must say -

Out of everything that I have learned in these last ten months of being a Mommy (and I have learned so much!! This job sure comes with a steep learning curve!), one of the hardest things has been how to properly feed my child (...and this is not related to his nursing strike, which he seems to have gotten over...)

This is not to say that Mason is not a good little eater - he has been. Up until this point, he has been most willing to eat almost everything I have thrown his way (except avocado and green beans!) However, since Day 1 of solids, I have been slightly overwhelmed with figuring out portions and combinations and variety. I have read books and followed the pamphlet that was handed out by my community health nurse. I have googled and read blogs and looked on websites. I measure everything carefully for each meal, and have been weary of overfeeding him and watchful of allergic reactions. But something tells me that I am supposed to be more relaxed than this!

Before he was born, I had the best intentions of making my own baby food. Fast forward a few months (...and a terrible experience with trying to buy a Beaba Babycook machine off of Ebay...which we never received...) I gave up and decided that I was going to buy jars, but go the organic route. He seemed to like it all and we had fallen into a good groove, although I had noticed that he tended not to be able to eat as much as the books say he should be eating by his age...

But after Christmas, we started in with more textured baby food - and let me tell you, it has been a challenge! He just cannot handle the chunkier textures - even if it is the tiniest bit of carrot or pasta noodle. My little man gags, heaves....and then throws up. And it has been about three weeks of this! Somedays there seems to be improvement...and other days, not so much...

My cyberfriend, Kate, over at Impatiently Waiting (http://impatientkate.blogspot.com/) seems to be able to feed her sweetie such wonderful things...and meanwhile Mason is still refusing anything not pureed.

I have resorted to mixing pureed sweet potato in with the chunkier meals (i.e. vegetable-beef-spaghetti) in order to entice him to eat (each day, I added more of the chunky, less of the puree...). But this only worked for so long before he would throw up again. Yesterday, at the end of what I thought was a great lunch feed, my little boy opened his mouth and HURLED!! It was the worst vomiting episode he had had to date and felt so bad for him that I started to tear up!

Any tips on making this easier for him would be so very appreciated...we need help! :)

A New Day Has Come

Sigh.

As I write this post, I feel a little foolish at the emotions I am going through. You see, I think my little one has decided to wean himself from nursing. And this makes me incredibly sad.

I know that this day was inevitable. I've been listening to my mum and my sister nag me for the longest time about it. We've been preparing for this for weeks by slowly replacing nursing with bottle feeds. And as of yesterday, we were up to 3 nurses, 2 bottles a day. But today, my little sweetheart refused the breast at each of his nursing sessions. And it broke my heart.

I am not ready.

I used to scoff at stories of women who nursed their children until the kids were three or four. I used to say "Now that woman's doing it for herself, not the child!" When I was pregnant, DH and I had planned to wean by six months so that we could try to conceive again right away. And I always thought I would relish the day when I would "have my body back".

But right now, I'm just incredibly sad.

This is yet another sign that my little guy is growing up. And yes - it was bound to happen! Don't all children grow up? Don't we want them to be independent? Shouldn't we be proud of the various milestones they reach?

Yes, of course.

But I feel as though time is zooming by. I feel as though this is the only chance I'll have to enjoy these things. I feel as though I won't get to have that same closeness with my son again. Even though I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, I do.

Sigh.

Who Will Look After My Baby?

No more burying my head in the sand.

It's time to take a serious stab at finding childcare for my son, as the time for me to return to work approaches...

And as I write this entry, I feel as though I might burst into tears.

Right now, I cannot fathom leaving him with anyone else. Who will sing to him before his nap, or read his favourite books to him while he snuggles with his blankie? What if he gets hurt? What if someone's mean to him? What if he doesn't eat his lunch or drink his milk? Who's going to love him the way that I do?

I've looked into several dayhomes in the area, and none of them seem like a good fit. DH is hesitant to hire a nanny because of the costs and logistics involved. He also does not want to burden my parents with looking after him. And as I type this, he is sitting across from me in our office, doing his own "research" at his computer, because he thinks he can come up with better options than I have. Hmph. Let him try. He'll come up empty handed, just as I have...

It makes me so sad to think that I won't be here for Mason during the day, and it'll be hard for him to understand.

I never thought that I would feel this way - but right at this moment, I do not want to return to work. Because if I do - who will look after my baby?