Man, I can't stop thinking about it.
DH and I had the chance to discuss things again last week, and we have decided that I will not be going for another IVF cycle in an effort to conceive a second child. When we look back at everything that it took to have our little Dim Sum, the realization of just how much we went through hits us. Because the main cause of our infertility was egg quality, it took a lot to create a healthy embryo - my poor response to stims, despite the extremely large dosages of drugs I had to inject, was so disappointing. And it's scary to think about the large amount of hormones and drugs that I had coursing through my system (especially estrogen, which I had copious amounts of during this last - successful - cycle). All of that takes such a toll - and with a baby at home to take care of, cycling would be extra difficult....and I want to be able to enjoy every single second with my son. I also want to be around for a long, long time to see my son grow into a man (I have heard that ovulation inductions using fertility drugs, as well as increased exposure to estrogens, are linked to an increased risk of ovarian and breast cancers, respectively). So no, no more IVF for us.
Despite the fact that AF has returned, my cycles are in no way regular yet. This month, I dug out my old friend, Mr. Clearblue Fertility Monitor, to use. Discovered that I ovulated on Day 17 (which is late for me...) and then AF arrived on Day 23. Crap. Obviously it will take a little while for things to balance themselves out again...and hopefully they will. Because au naturel will be the only means by which we will be trying for another little angel.
Does this make me sad? YES. I cuddle my little man everyday and wistfully hope that he gets to be a big brother. I stroke his cheek and will every minute to slow down so that I can enjoy every part of his "babyness". I watch my husband with him and wish that he could be an amazing daddy to more than one child. But at this point in our lives, having been so supremely blessed with our son, I couldn't ask for anything more.
So now I concentrate on making each day count with and for our son. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I will still know how damn lucky we are...because we have already won the lottery.
3 comments:
You've been through so much SR, I'm glad you take time to treasure your little one. He's a lucky boy to have you as his momma.
SR, I tried to comment on your previous post, but I was having trouble with the word verification. I think it is so unfair that infertiles have to have these sorts of conversations, but it sounds like you and DH have thought long and hard about what will work best for you.
I am two days out from my retrieval, and am right in the middle of all the unpleasantness you were describing. It really is awful, and I can't imagine trying to cope with this with a child.
Huge hugs. Everyone has a story about someone who needed IVF for their first baby and then got pregnant naturally with their second. I hope you can be one of them!
Turia
tough decision to have to make but it seems like you all decided on what was best for your family. Enjoy your sweet miracle baby and the relief of being off the rollercoaster and enjoying life as a wife and mother.
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