As I write this post, I feel a little foolish at the emotions I am going through. You see, I think my little one has decided to wean himself from nursing. And this makes me incredibly sad.
I know that this day was inevitable. I've been listening to my mum and my sister nag me for the longest time about it. We've been preparing for this for weeks by slowly replacing nursing with bottle feeds. And as of yesterday, we were up to 3 nurses, 2 bottles a day. But today, my little sweetheart refused the breast at each of his nursing sessions. And it broke my heart.
I am not ready.
I used to scoff at stories of women who nursed their children until the kids were three or four. I used to say "Now that woman's doing it for herself, not the child!" When I was pregnant, DH and I had planned to wean by six months so that we could try to conceive again right away. And I always thought I would relish the day when I would "have my body back".
But right now, I'm just incredibly sad.
This is yet another sign that my little guy is growing up. And yes - it was bound to happen! Don't all children grow up? Don't we want them to be independent? Shouldn't we be proud of the various milestones they reach?
Yes, of course.
But I feel as though time is zooming by. I feel as though this is the only chance I'll have to enjoy these things. I feel as though I won't get to have that same closeness with my son again. Even though I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, I do.