No more burying my head in the sand.
It's time to take a serious stab at finding childcare for my son, as the time for me to return to work approaches...
And as I write this entry, I feel as though I might burst into tears.
Right now, I cannot fathom leaving him with anyone else. Who will sing to him before his nap, or read his favourite books to him while he snuggles with his blankie? What if he gets hurt? What if someone's mean to him? What if he doesn't eat his lunch or drink his milk? Who's going to love him the way that I do?
I've looked into several dayhomes in the area, and none of them seem like a good fit. DH is hesitant to hire a nanny because of the costs and logistics involved. He also does not want to burden my parents with looking after him. And as I type this, he is sitting across from me in our office, doing his own "research" at his computer, because he thinks he can come up with better options than I have. Hmph. Let him try. He'll come up empty handed, just as I have...
It makes me so sad to think that I won't be here for Mason during the day, and it'll be hard for him to understand.
I never thought that I would feel this way - but right at this moment, I do not want to return to work. Because if I do - who will look after my baby?