Day Two - and our little guy has divided into two cells!!!
God has blessed us and continues to answer our prayers...
Keep fighting, little one!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Rotten Eggs
Well, I survived the egg retrieval yesterday morning - and was actually rather impressed with the care and attention that I received from my RE and the nurses at the clinic. Beyond all, I was nervous about two things - the dreaded IV and the number of eggs they would be able to extract. My RE very kindly placed the IV into the crook of my arm (so it really wasn't any worse than having a blood test), but the whole egg situation did not go as smoothly...
Once the drugs started, I was definitely feeling loopy - but could still feel some pain. However, after I (very loudly) yelped in pain, the nurse upped the dose of pain meds and I was feeling fine. The RE emptied the first follicle, handed the embryologist the tube, and about thirty seconds later, the embryologist yelled back "I don't see anything." Alright; on to follicle #2 then. Once that got drained and sent back to the embryologist, it wasn't before long when she called out, "Nothing." Imagine my panic during this whole thing - there I was, completely doped up, spread-eagled on the operating table, and all I am hearing is that they aren't getting anything out of my follies!!!
At this point, the RE requested that the embryologist test the follicular fluid for traces of HCG - if there was no trace, then this would have been indicative that the eggs did not release from the follicle walls and therefore there was no point in going any further. About five minutes later, we determined that there was HCG in the fluid, so the RE pressed on...
We finally got an egg out of follicle #3, to which the lovely nurse next to me applauded and whispered "Yaaaaay!" in my ear. At this point, I was really out of it - and panicked. But when all was said and done, I discovered that they were able to get six eggs in total from my follies.
Whilst in the recovery room, the embryologist came by to give us the news - out of the six eggs, three were borderline mature, and three were flat-out immature. She explained that she would have to clean off the "accessory cells" in order to determine if my borderlines were indeed mature, and that they would do their best to ICSI the maximum number that they could.
I spent the night in a fair amount of pain, and in a fair amount of tears. And I did a lot of praying.
Bright and early this morning, the embryologist from the clinic called to deliver even more bad news - out of the six eggs, three were mature, but only one fertilized. And he told me that we are dealing with a very "serious egg issue..."
So many questions are racing through my mind. How could this be? Why did we not know that I have rotten eggs? I had worked so hard to grow my little eggies - and had done everything that I was expected to. How can this be fixed? Can this be fixed? And the ultimate question - Why me?
All we can do now is pray for our one little embryo - pray that he's a little fighter and that he'll make it to transfer. All I am asking for is this one chance to be a mom.
Just this one chance.
Once the drugs started, I was definitely feeling loopy - but could still feel some pain. However, after I (very loudly) yelped in pain, the nurse upped the dose of pain meds and I was feeling fine. The RE emptied the first follicle, handed the embryologist the tube, and about thirty seconds later, the embryologist yelled back "I don't see anything." Alright; on to follicle #2 then. Once that got drained and sent back to the embryologist, it wasn't before long when she called out, "Nothing." Imagine my panic during this whole thing - there I was, completely doped up, spread-eagled on the operating table, and all I am hearing is that they aren't getting anything out of my follies!!!
At this point, the RE requested that the embryologist test the follicular fluid for traces of HCG - if there was no trace, then this would have been indicative that the eggs did not release from the follicle walls and therefore there was no point in going any further. About five minutes later, we determined that there was HCG in the fluid, so the RE pressed on...
We finally got an egg out of follicle #3, to which the lovely nurse next to me applauded and whispered "Yaaaaay!" in my ear. At this point, I was really out of it - and panicked. But when all was said and done, I discovered that they were able to get six eggs in total from my follies.
Whilst in the recovery room, the embryologist came by to give us the news - out of the six eggs, three were borderline mature, and three were flat-out immature. She explained that she would have to clean off the "accessory cells" in order to determine if my borderlines were indeed mature, and that they would do their best to ICSI the maximum number that they could.
I spent the night in a fair amount of pain, and in a fair amount of tears. And I did a lot of praying.
Bright and early this morning, the embryologist from the clinic called to deliver even more bad news - out of the six eggs, three were mature, but only one fertilized. And he told me that we are dealing with a very "serious egg issue..."
So many questions are racing through my mind. How could this be? Why did we not know that I have rotten eggs? I had worked so hard to grow my little eggies - and had done everything that I was expected to. How can this be fixed? Can this be fixed? And the ultimate question - Why me?
All we can do now is pray for our one little embryo - pray that he's a little fighter and that he'll make it to transfer. All I am asking for is this one chance to be a mom.
Just this one chance.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Trigger Happy
Well, folks - here I am, standing at the precipice of what will be one of the most important things that I will ever do in my life.
Sadly, since my last posting, I have not had any improvements in the number of follicles that we will be working with. I have six follicles, all ranging in size from 0.8 to 1.9 (as of yesterday morning). Two smaller ones have popped up, but are definitely not large enough to make the cut. I had one more night of stims, and am poised to "pull the trigger" (HCG shot) this evening at 10:00 p.m.
I am trying my very best to remain positive, hoping for at least 3 mature eggs that will fertilize. I have to admit, it hasn't helped for me to maniacally read various posts on internet forums from other women about the low numbers they have and their subsequent disappointments. I have been doing a lot of praying, and trying to do some positive meditations...I have been on the brink of tears a couple of times this week, but for the most part, I am managing to hang in there.
The RE that did my ultrasound yesterday said that it wouldn't be unreasonable to transfer three embies - all, of course, dependent upon the condition of the embies. Here's hoping that I actually have three to transfer!!
I'll post again post-retrieval, to let you know how I survived the procedure. Wish me luck, all!
Sadly, since my last posting, I have not had any improvements in the number of follicles that we will be working with. I have six follicles, all ranging in size from 0.8 to 1.9 (as of yesterday morning). Two smaller ones have popped up, but are definitely not large enough to make the cut. I had one more night of stims, and am poised to "pull the trigger" (HCG shot) this evening at 10:00 p.m.
I am trying my very best to remain positive, hoping for at least 3 mature eggs that will fertilize. I have to admit, it hasn't helped for me to maniacally read various posts on internet forums from other women about the low numbers they have and their subsequent disappointments. I have been doing a lot of praying, and trying to do some positive meditations...I have been on the brink of tears a couple of times this week, but for the most part, I am managing to hang in there.
The RE that did my ultrasound yesterday said that it wouldn't be unreasonable to transfer three embies - all, of course, dependent upon the condition of the embies. Here's hoping that I actually have three to transfer!!
I'll post again post-retrieval, to let you know how I survived the procedure. Wish me luck, all!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Party Pooper
Every kid's biggest nightmare is that no one will show up at their party. The invitations are sent, the balloons are all shiny, the chips and pop are out on the table, ready to be devoured. But what if only a handful of children show up - not even half of what's expected? It's the stuff that therapy sessions are made of...
Well, welcome to my life.
Yes, I had the ultrasound today - and not even half of what I expected showed up for the festivities.
Today's ultrasound showed that I have a whopping SIX follicles. Now, for those of you that have been following our plight, you will know that in my last cycle, I only had FIVE follicles. Hence, the conversion to an IUI, which led to the BFN, which led to the BCP, which led to the S-I-X. As the nurse describes it, my ovaries obviously don't want this as badly as I do. They are acting like they are 50 years old. They are lazy. They've retired to Florida. No wonder they didn't show up to party.
DH and I were hoping for - expecting, really - at least eight to ten follicles. Given the fact that I am maxed out on meds right now, you'd think my ovaries would be traumatized into producing more follicles! But nope - not my ovaries. They are giving me the royal f-you. "Pump us full of drugs, eh? Well, we'll show you!!"
The RE tells me that there's hope - it's still early in the cycle, he tells me. There's a chance that more will come, he offers. Then he patted my foot gently and told me to hang in there. What choice do I have?
DH and I decided over the weekend that we are going to go for it this cycle - even if we ended up with the same number of follicles as last time. It only takes one. So I am going to continue my stims for as long as the RE tell us to, then we are going to close our eyes and go on a wing and a prayer.
It only takes one. Just one.
Well, welcome to my life.
Yes, I had the ultrasound today - and not even half of what I expected showed up for the festivities.
Today's ultrasound showed that I have a whopping SIX follicles. Now, for those of you that have been following our plight, you will know that in my last cycle, I only had FIVE follicles. Hence, the conversion to an IUI, which led to the BFN, which led to the BCP, which led to the S-I-X. As the nurse describes it, my ovaries obviously don't want this as badly as I do. They are acting like they are 50 years old. They are lazy. They've retired to Florida. No wonder they didn't show up to party.
DH and I were hoping for - expecting, really - at least eight to ten follicles. Given the fact that I am maxed out on meds right now, you'd think my ovaries would be traumatized into producing more follicles! But nope - not my ovaries. They are giving me the royal f-you. "Pump us full of drugs, eh? Well, we'll show you!!"
The RE tells me that there's hope - it's still early in the cycle, he tells me. There's a chance that more will come, he offers. Then he patted my foot gently and told me to hang in there. What choice do I have?
DH and I decided over the weekend that we are going to go for it this cycle - even if we ended up with the same number of follicles as last time. It only takes one. So I am going to continue my stims for as long as the RE tell us to, then we are going to close our eyes and go on a wing and a prayer.
It only takes one. Just one.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Dear Follicles...
Dear Follicles,
We haven't actually met, but as I understand it, you've been around for some time now. 37 years, to be exact. I hope that you have all been good and that you have been keeping each other company.
The reason that I am writing is that I need a big favour. You see, we are trying to encourage as many of you as possible to grow healthy eggs, because we are trying to make a baby (or two!) And yes - we are trying to lure you out with various cocktails and "party favours". We hope that you have enjoyed them; what's a party without a few treats, right? And there's a lot more where that came from, so indulge.
You should probably know that once you are nice and "fat" and "juicy", we'll be draining you and taking out the little eggies that we hope you grow. But please don't worry - it'll be for such a worthwhile cause. Those eggies will get to do some business travel - and this is where the fun really begins! Your eggies will get to meet some really fun guys called spermies! And if we're lucky, each one of your eggies will like a spermie enough to join forces and create a baby! That is the ultimate goal. Won't you be proud that you were part of something that great?
So please, please, Follicles - enjoy the party that we are throwing in my ovaries right now. And encourage those wallflowers to join in on the fun - the more, the merrier!! We'd love to see as many of you as possible at my next ultrasound!
Looking forward to seeing you soon,
Sincerely,
Springroll
We haven't actually met, but as I understand it, you've been around for some time now. 37 years, to be exact. I hope that you have all been good and that you have been keeping each other company.
The reason that I am writing is that I need a big favour. You see, we are trying to encourage as many of you as possible to grow healthy eggs, because we are trying to make a baby (or two!) And yes - we are trying to lure you out with various cocktails and "party favours". We hope that you have enjoyed them; what's a party without a few treats, right? And there's a lot more where that came from, so indulge.
You should probably know that once you are nice and "fat" and "juicy", we'll be draining you and taking out the little eggies that we hope you grow. But please don't worry - it'll be for such a worthwhile cause. Those eggies will get to do some business travel - and this is where the fun really begins! Your eggies will get to meet some really fun guys called spermies! And if we're lucky, each one of your eggies will like a spermie enough to join forces and create a baby! That is the ultimate goal. Won't you be proud that you were part of something that great?
So please, please, Follicles - enjoy the party that we are throwing in my ovaries right now. And encourage those wallflowers to join in on the fun - the more, the merrier!! We'd love to see as many of you as possible at my next ultrasound!
Looking forward to seeing you soon,
Sincerely,
Springroll
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Tabula Rasa
I have Blogger's Block. Yep - after so many months of so much to say, today, I've got nuttin'. I suppose I could give The Update...but even at that, there isn't much to report!
I've been off birth control pills for three days, and started my microdose Suprefact injections this morning. I never thought I could fire up a syringe with one eye closed and one sleepy eye open, but I did it! These needles are teeny, and my threshold for pain has increased, so they aren't a big deal at all! Good thing I am becoming so very used to needles - I'll be seeing a lot of them this cycle!
I'm also waiting for AF to make her appearance so that I can start stims - imagine, so many months of wishing she wouldn't come, and here I am tonight, eager for her to arrive! That, combined with the fact that I was on The Pill this cycle, makes me giggle. Ahhh - what my life has become!
I did receive the very best news this past week - a new friend of mine has just received her first ever positive pregnancy test after completing her first frozen embryo transplant! We met at Starbucks today to celebrate and chat - and I couldn't be more happy for her. After all of the ups and downs, hope and heartache, she and her husband are now going to be blessed with one - possibly two! - little babies to love. And I know that she'll make the best mom ever!
I've been off birth control pills for three days, and started my microdose Suprefact injections this morning. I never thought I could fire up a syringe with one eye closed and one sleepy eye open, but I did it! These needles are teeny, and my threshold for pain has increased, so they aren't a big deal at all! Good thing I am becoming so very used to needles - I'll be seeing a lot of them this cycle!
I'm also waiting for AF to make her appearance so that I can start stims - imagine, so many months of wishing she wouldn't come, and here I am tonight, eager for her to arrive! That, combined with the fact that I was on The Pill this cycle, makes me giggle. Ahhh - what my life has become!
I did receive the very best news this past week - a new friend of mine has just received her first ever positive pregnancy test after completing her first frozen embryo transplant! We met at Starbucks today to celebrate and chat - and I couldn't be more happy for her. After all of the ups and downs, hope and heartache, she and her husband are now going to be blessed with one - possibly two! - little babies to love. And I know that she'll make the best mom ever!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Musings on a Sunday...
Well, Day 10 of my birth control pills, and I can only assume that all's quiet on the ovarian front. DH and I joke all of the time about the fact that we're on The Pill now - phew! Now we can have sex without worrying that we'll get pregnant - boy does that take the pressure off! Just for fun, we should use a condom, too...
Not much to report right now, other than the fact that I had a lovely dinner with two girlfriends on Friday (Indian...boy, do I love butter chicken...) and I confessed to them that DH and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. For those of you that know me and that have been following our plight, you'll know that this is a big thing for me. Up until now, DH and I have never told anyone other than family what we are dealing with. But it sure has been lonely doing it that way. These girls have been worrying for me for the past two years, and have been wondering why we haven't "gotten in" to see the fertility specialist yet. I finally broke down and told them that we have actually been seeing them for a year and a half...and that we've had four unsuccessful IUIs. I stopped short at telling them that we're trying IVF - I guess I just wanted that to be private for now, until we know the outcome. But it sure did feel like a weight off my shoulders.
By the by - where is everybody? One of my favourite things to do when I log on to my little blog is to read the messages that my dear "cyber-friends" leave me! It lets me get caught up a bit and feel like I am not alone out there. Lately, I haven't heard from anyone - so I'm giving a shout out to you girls - hope you are all doing well and hope to hear from you soon!!
Not much to report right now, other than the fact that I had a lovely dinner with two girlfriends on Friday (Indian...boy, do I love butter chicken...) and I confessed to them that DH and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. For those of you that know me and that have been following our plight, you'll know that this is a big thing for me. Up until now, DH and I have never told anyone other than family what we are dealing with. But it sure has been lonely doing it that way. These girls have been worrying for me for the past two years, and have been wondering why we haven't "gotten in" to see the fertility specialist yet. I finally broke down and told them that we have actually been seeing them for a year and a half...and that we've had four unsuccessful IUIs. I stopped short at telling them that we're trying IVF - I guess I just wanted that to be private for now, until we know the outcome. But it sure did feel like a weight off my shoulders.
By the by - where is everybody? One of my favourite things to do when I log on to my little blog is to read the messages that my dear "cyber-friends" leave me! It lets me get caught up a bit and feel like I am not alone out there. Lately, I haven't heard from anyone - so I'm giving a shout out to you girls - hope you are all doing well and hope to hear from you soon!!
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