Saturday, May 24, 2008

It's My Party...

...and I'll cry if I want to.

Well, okay, there was no real party. But DH is out of town on business and last night, I thought I'd indulge myself in a little pity-party. You know the kind - sitting around, feeling sorry for oneself, bawling your eyes out. This month has been hard, but only because I think I had built up expectations following my D&C. I thought for sure that after my polyp had been removed, poof! I would get pregnant. But no such luck.

I watched Seasons of Hope and Despair once again, and even though so many of those images make me cry, it also comforts me. It reminds me that I am not alone in this journey - that there are thousands of others who have also experienced the heartbreak, fear, and sorrow. It's such a lovely video.

After watching this, I happened upon another video, a song called I Would Die for That , which also made me cry. It's sung by a lady named Kellie Coffey, and has some interesting images. While some may feel that she is making a strong anti-abortion statement, I don't believe so. I choose to think of this song as a beautiful expression of the yearning that all of us going through IF can relate to; and towards the end of the video, it's clearly a celebration of life and IF success stories. If you watch it, let me know what you think.

Unfortunately, I am feeling a little defeated and pessimistic right now. I guess I'm just tired, you know? Wishing that it didn't have to be so hard.



zabe77 said...

Looks like neither of us had good Saturdays with our hubbies away. Thanks for sharing the videos, that 2nd one really made me cry. Hang in there sweetie. Sending you hugs.

Anonymous said...

Hey SR- I watched the Seasons of Hope and Despair tonight after reading your blog. I've watched the other one before. It's touching, comforting, and yet terrifying to watch so many other women never get the babies they deserve. My DH is away tonight and tomorrow night. I'm trying to keep busy so I don't have a pity party. I fell into a terrible, dark place last time he was out of town.

I'm on to what will likely be my last month of Clomid. Next step IUI with injectables. Ugh!


CJDR said...

SR I can not stop watching the "I would die for that" video. And everytime I do I bawl. (((hugs))) to all of us who have to be the ones who knows what that feels like.....