Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Argh!

I hate my body. Not an "eating disorder, I want to look like a supermodel" kind of hate; it's more like a "what the hell is going on with it??" kind of hate. I have utterly and completely lost control of it.

You see, I used to be regular - what is it that they say? Like clockwork. Even when I was young and didn't quite understand how cycles work, I could always rely on being "seven days early" with my period (when I was a teen, I would simply look at the calender the day my period came, then subtract 7 from that exact number. That's the day that I knew my period would come the following month!! Later, as a woman trying to conceive, I developed the understanding that I had 23-24 day cycles.) But now, things are waaaay different...

My period came today. Yes, good old Aunt Flo. Cousin Tom ("Time of Month"). Imagine my surprise when I looked at my calender this morning and noticed that I am only on Day 17 of my cycle!!! WTH?!? Didn't I just ovulate a couple of days ago? Didn't my temperature just dip yesterday, then jump this morning? What the heck is going on?

Ever since I started fertility treatments, I just can't rely on the old body to stay on schedule anymore. I suspect that the clomid and progesterone I took for four months straight plays a major role in this. The hormones are so out of whack in my system that it doesn't quite know what to do!! Add to this the fact that I have had a very stressful week at work...and well...what do you get? An early surprise!

For one fleeting moment this morning, I was hoping that it was implantation spotting. Ah yes! The mythical implantation bleed. Google the term, and you get the same info on almost every site - it's supposed to be scant, pinkish, possibly brown. I had a hard time finding the part that described implantation bleeding using the words "bright red" and "full flow". Hmmm...so maybe it's not...

Anyway, the fact remains that my system has checked out on me. Adios. Adieu. Can't wait to see what's going to happen next!

3 comments:

CJDR said...

Hey SR- I love your blog. I haven't seen Juno yet, I'd love too but theres no way I wanted to see it in the theater. I didn't want to sit there bawling! I am happy for you buying that diaper bag, it WILL bring you hope. Whenever I look at maternity clothes I always say "when I'm pg I would totally wear this" Thats the most positive I can seem to be lately. Hang in there, I know the light is small but it is at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Man I wish I could just give you a big 'ol hug. And maybe have a good cry. BTW I love the color of the bag....:)

Springroll said...

Oh CJ!!!
It's so good to see you on here!! I know that you're going to love doing this - it's so therapeutic to write about your experiences and send it all out to the cosmos...I read your blog and cried a little...for you, for me, for Ashley, for Ali...for all of us that have had to suffer heartbreak after heartbreak. Sending you a hug too..

CJDR said...

Its funny you said that, when I first read yours I did the same thing. I was flooded with all the memories of everything we all have been through and it makes me so sad. I'm so glad I have you guys, or I dont think I would have made it so far....and we just keep going. But your right, this might help, and I'm going to keep trying to write things down. Even if no one ever sees it...its kinda nice to throw it out there.