I can't believe how bloated I am with this IUI. I was bloated before, but I swear, this time around I look like I'm about 4 months pregnant - and I'm starting to get incredibly self-conscious about it. See, I'm normally under 110 lbs, so any belly on me really protrudes. But I'm not self-conscious from a shallow, vain aspect. I'm self-conscious because I don't want my colleagues thinking that I am pregnant. DH finds this hard to understand. When I told him that I didn't want people thinking I was pregnant, his response was "Who cares?" But he doesn't get it - see, if I actually was pregnant, it would be kinda neat. It would feel a bit exhilarating and conspiratorial. I would have a happy little secret. However, I am not pregnant (yet/that I know of) so having people think that I am and then subsequently gossiping about me is not fun. It's just a painful reminder, that's all.
Sigh. Anyway, despite the fact that DH reminded me on Tuesday not to get my hopes up too high (in order to avoid later devastation/disappointment), he has been talking to "the girls" (eggies) in my belly, asking them if they are having fun with "the boys" (spermies). It's rather cute that he calls them that. He asks my tummy "Are you partying in there?" and then he rubs my belly affectionately. Tonight, he kissed my tummy and said "Hi girls, hope you're having fun in there..." and then later on he rubbed my belly and said "Oh honey, I hope you're pregnant." His behaviour, while being rather sweet, is beginning to freak me out. What if this didn't work?!? What then?
Okay, I don't want to think that way. I only want to think happy implantation thoughts. I have been doing some short meditations and visualizing little embryos burrowing into a nice, thick lining. The power of positive thinking, right?
I felt nauseous - really nauseous - for about half an hour tonight. But I am chalking that up to overeating my DH's fabulous spaghetti during dinner. It's far too early to be getting morning sickness, but I sure felt gross. Hope that's not what morning sickness is like - but I have a sneaking suspicion that it is.
A special message for my special friend Zabe (Liz) - hang in there, sweetie. You are so right - out of our original "gang', it's just you and me now. We're gonna make it. And soon, we'll be blogging about sleepless nights, feeding schedules, and colic. We'll be sharing tips on homemade baby food and naptimes. Keep the faith - we'll get there.