Friday, September 26, 2008

We're Almost There...

...and I'm getting scared.

Every night since the IUI, I have lain in bed and had a conversation with God. Then I breathe deeply, relaxing myself. Then I fall asleep. In the morning, before I get out of bed, I rub my tummy gently and say to myself, "Good morning, babies". And then I begin my day.

I do all of these things in hopes that I am bringing some positive energy to my situation. I have done so much reading about the influence that a positive frame of mind can have on a fertility treatment outcome. I want my system to be stress free. I want any embies that are inside of me to feel welcome. I want that positive energy to result in a positive test.

And now, here I am at 11dpiui - and I am scared.

DH and I have decided that we are going to take an hpt on Sunday morning - 13 dpiui. With our previous IUIs, we waited until the beta results from the clinic - and I always heard the bad news from the nurses. This time, I have decided that I want us to be the first ones to know. Good or bad, I wanted DH and I to be together. To be there for each other. To hold each other. To laugh or to cry.

I can't really say that I have any indication whatsoever what the outcome might be. I am dismissing all of the changes that my body is going through as being progesterone-induced and I am trying so very hard not to cloud my mind either way with false hopes or self-defeating thoughts. All I can do is wait another couple of days, and then go from there.

It's funny, isn't it, how such a little stick can yield such power...

3 comments:

Mommytobe said...

Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way SR. I think these last few days are harder than the first few, I know I was a huge mess of stress and it was all I could think about so I tested the night before my blood test too. I'm glad I did cause it was so nice to see a bfp on the stick at home after all my negs rather than over the phone from the nurses.
Hugs again and baby dust.
Tania

Springroll said...

Hi Tania -
Thanks for all of the encouragement that you have given me - unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. I tested this a.m. and got a bfn.
-SR

Mommytobe said...

So sorry to hear that SR. Huge hugs... you will get that bfp I just know it, don't lose hope. I found my second try on injectables less stressful and they were able to learn from the first try and adjust the start dose. I know that's why I got my bfp. I hope you don't give up and next time you will get the response you need for IVF.