...and I'm getting scared.
Every night since the IUI, I have lain in bed and had a conversation with God. Then I breathe deeply, relaxing myself. Then I fall asleep. In the morning, before I get out of bed, I rub my tummy gently and say to myself, "Good morning, babies". And then I begin my day.
I do all of these things in hopes that I am bringing some positive energy to my situation. I have done so much reading about the influence that a positive frame of mind can have on a fertility treatment outcome. I want my system to be stress free. I want any embies that are inside of me to feel welcome. I want that positive energy to result in a positive test.
And now, here I am at 11dpiui - and I am scared.
DH and I have decided that we are going to take an hpt on Sunday morning - 13 dpiui. With our previous IUIs, we waited until the beta results from the clinic - and I always heard the bad news from the nurses. This time, I have decided that I want us to be the first ones to know. Good or bad, I wanted DH and I to be together. To be there for each other. To hold each other. To laugh or to cry.
I can't really say that I have any indication whatsoever what the outcome might be. I am dismissing all of the changes that my body is going through as being progesterone-induced and I am trying so very hard not to cloud my mind either way with false hopes or self-defeating thoughts. All I can do is wait another couple of days, and then go from there.
It's funny, isn't it, how such a little stick can yield such power...