Monday, September 8, 2008

What is it about Mondays?

They always seem to suck.

Not only does one have to haul oneself up and out of bed early to get to work, but many of us meet with bad news on Mondays, too.

Like me, for instance.

I had my Day 7 ultrasound and bloodwork this morning, and the news is not good at all. I was so excited up until the va-jay-jay-cam worked its way inside....due to my newfound optimism, I was actually expecting to hear that I was producing follies into the double-digits, and that I was right on target for the world's most successful IVF.

"Hmmm.." murmured the RE, "There's two on the right side..." (whisper, whisper, whisper), "...and three on the left..." (whisper, whisper, whisper...)

I lay there, shocked. The RE then read out some measurements to the nurse, removed the va-jay-jay-cam, and proceeded to tell me the very news that I was petrified to hear...

I only have five follicles, all of which are slightly smaller than what would be expected at this stage of stims (ranging from 0.6 to 0.9). In other words, I'm not really responding that well to the meds.

I basically have three choices:

1. Abandon ship and call it a day (thereby wasting all of the drugs that I have pumped into my system - not to mention the stress, anxiety and tears...)
2. Convert my cycle to an IUI, and hope for the best.
3. Pray that these eggs actually continue to grow, then proceed with egg retrieval and IVF.

After the requisite crying (whilst lying on the examining table, naked from the waist down, draped in a sheet), I gathered my wits about me, got dressed, then met with a nurse to discuss these options. She was so wonderful - she comforted me, gave me plenty of information, listened to me, answered all of my questions. Clinic nurses don't come better than this one.

After writing down all of the info, I called DH from my cell (on the way back to work) and shared my sorrow with him. We weighed everything out - and we've decided to convert to an IUI. We're going on the hope that our chances with this IUI might be higher than previous ones, given the number of eggs that may release. We also didn't want to waste all of the drugs that I have taken thus far. And interestingly, it will be cheaper for us to convert to IUI than for us to cancel the cycle altogether.

I am trying so hard to not let this get me down. When I got home this afternoon, DH hugged me tight and told me to keep my chin up. He told me that we just need to keep our eye on the ball, and that if we want children we need to persevere.

Why does every single thing have to be so hard for us? We just can't seem to catch a break. Just when we were beginning to believe - truly believe - that our dream of having a baby was within reach, the rug gets pulled out from underneath us....it just seems so unfair.

As I sat in the waiting room this morning (following my u/s) waiting for my medication, I reminded myself that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. That everything happens for a reason. That this will make me stronger. That this too, shall pass.

Sigh.

6 comments:

zabe77 said...

That sucks SR, but I'm glad you can still do IUI... there's still a chance and still something to hope for! Although I know it's tough sometimes. Come on eggies, grow grow grow!

CJDR said...

I'm glad you can do the iui. I would feel a little off about spending all that money on the ivf too. Man, its so hard. It will work......theres 5 possible babies in there....come on eggies!!!

Mommytobe said...

What a heartbreaker SR, but there is still hope with the IUI. Come on eggies, they still have time to grow!

Danielle said...

So what you're saying is you're not looking forward to being the next "John and Kate Plus 8"?

You know, strange things come to us in unexpected packages. Sometimes what seems like bad news can miraculously change into miracles as the unexpected become reality and you get to save lots of money.

Granted you were prepared for the IVF, which is incredible and wonderful and your baby angels are fully aware of your willingness to sacrifice yourself and your body for them. But maybe, you just needed to be willing to and not actually have to do it?

Big things are in store for you my friend.

Best of luck. Don't loose your ray of sunshine and enjoy the little things and embrace this NEW opportunity.

Thinking of you,

D
(DesignerBug)

Anonymous said...

I am sorry that IVF was not a go Spring Roll!! But it sounds like you have a good shot at IUI with 5 little eggies in there!! Thats great! How does it work now...do they realse the eggs when they are ready, just like IVF? Not too much waiting left!
Keep me posted. I think of you often.

~Babyobsessed

Springroll said...

Liz - thanks for your words of encouragement. I hope that you are well. I have kept up with your blog, and know that all of the testing takes it toll. Know that I think about you all the time and I am sending you a hug...
CJ - Girl, you are my IUI mentor. I am hoping that this IUI works for us. Sorry to hear that you're feeling so sick and that there is a concern about blood type now. But you're a fighter - hang in there!!
Mommytobe - welcome to my blog and thanks so much for your kind words!! I see from your blogs that you are 32 weeks along - from an IUI!!! This makes you my second IUI mentor - we're hoping to have the same luck!! Congrats!
Danielle - How are you doing, hunny? Hanging in there? I hope you are doing well, and it was SO nice to hear from you!!
Babyobsessed - thanks for your thoughts - I'll e-mail you soon to get the details on how you are doing!
Boy, do I feel loved...